Achieving a Band 5 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 essay on violence in media highlights a struggle with clarity and grammar. While the essay presents both sides of the argument, it lacks detailed solutions to address violence, along with numerous grammatical errors that hinder comprehension.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the topic of whether violence in media influences young people's behavior, offering a balanced view, but lacks a detailed exploration of solutions to lessen violence. There are numerous grammatical errors and issues with vocabulary choice that impede clarity and coherence.
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In recent years, violance has become increasingly popular in modern society. Although many people believe that the number of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society, while some argue that violance are existed long ago before the television and movies become common.
Some people believe that violance movies are influences children to become more violant and it also has a direct impact on young people's behavior. As a result, young people become are more willing to rise the level of violance in society. Furthermore, young people are often influenced by their surroundings and experiences. As a result, repeated exposure to certain activities such as violence movies on television may affect their attitudes and actions. For example, many individuals have already experienced the affects of violance movies of different ways. Therefore, this problem regarded as a negative development for individuals and society.
Other argue that, violance movies are not the main issue for children behaviour. This is because young people are influcenced by different factor such as family background, lack of education and society problem. For example, violance are existed long before the film was become common. Therefore, by taking appropriate measure can help to reduce this probelm.
To sum up, many people believe that violance movies influenced young people behahiour. I strongly argue that violance movies are not only the main issue for young people's behaviour. People should make aware their children to reduce
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| violance | violence |
| violant | violent |
| influcenced | influenced |
| probelm | problem |
| behahiour | behavior |
| affects | effects |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| violance are existed long ago | violence has existed long ago | Subject-verb agreement: 'violence' is singular and requires 'has' |
| movies are influences children | movies influence children | Subject-verb agreement: 'movies' is plural and requires 'influence' |
| young people become are more willing | young people become more willing | Redundant verb: 'are' is unnecessary |
| are influenced by different factor | are influenced by different factors | Pluralization: 'factor' should be 'factors' to match 'different' |
| violance are existed | violence has existed | Subject-verb agreement: 'violence' is singular and requires 'has' |
| the film was become common | the film became common | Incorrect verb form: 'was become' should be 'became' |
| by taking appropriate measure | by taking appropriate measures | Pluralization: 'measure' should be 'measures' |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| modern society | contemporary society | More precise term suitable for academic writing |
| are not the main issue | are not the primary factor | More precise language for academic context |
| make aware their children | raise awareness among their children | More appropriate phrasing for academic context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The response partially addresses the prompt, presenting both sides of the argument regarding media violence influencing youth behavior.
Examples
The essay mentions that 'violence movies are influences children to become more violent' and 'young people are influenced by different factors such as family background.'
How to Improve
Expand on the second part of the question by suggesting specific steps that could be taken to reduce violence. Ensure all parts of the question are equally addressed.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure, but the ideas are not always logically ordered or fully developed. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are limited.
Examples
'This is because young people are influenced by different factor...' is an abrupt shift without clear connection to previous points.
How to Improve
Use clear transitional phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with several spelling errors that reduce clarity.
Examples
'Violance' instead of 'violence', 'influcence' instead of 'influence'.
How to Improve
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Pay attention to spelling and word forms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures, affecting readability.
Examples
Errors like 'violance are existed', 'violance movies are influences children' reduce the accuracy of the essay.
How to Improve
Work on basic grammar structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb tenses. Proofread to catch and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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