Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay on Violence in Media: Clarity and Grammar Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

In recent years, violance has become increasingly popular in modern society. Although many people believe that the number of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society, while some argue that violance are existed long ago before the television and movies become common.
Some people believe that violance movies are influences children to become more violant and it also has a direct impact on young people's behavior. As a result, young people become are more willing to rise the level of violance in society. Furthermore, young people are often influenced by their surroundings and experiences. As a result, repeated exposure to certain activities such as violence movies on television may affect their attitudes and actions. For example, many individuals have already experienced the affects of violance movies of different ways. Therefore, this problem regarded as a negative development for individuals and society.
Other argue that, violance movies are not the main issue for children behaviour. This is because young people are influcenced by different factor such as family background, lack of education and society problem. For example, violance are existed long before the film was become common. Therefore, by taking appropriate measure can help to reduce this probelm.
To sum up, many people believe that violance movies influenced young people behahiour. I strongly argue that violance movies are not only the main issue for young people's behaviour. People should make aware their children to reduce

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.