This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the influence of violence in media on youth behavior. While it addresses the topic and provides suggestions, clarity issues and underdeveloped arguments hinder its effectiveness. Discover ways to improve your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (274 words) and addresses both parts of the question: agreement with the statement and suggestions for reducing violence. However, the response is underdeveloped, with limited reasoning and weak examples. The structure is basic, and there are frequent language errors that hinder clarity. Overall performance corresponds to Band 5.0.
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Many individuals believe that the amount of brutality seen on screens and in flims impact the etiquette of our younger generation and, as a consequence, increases the level of violence in our society today. I totally agree with this view because a person can be infulance by what he have seen and he/she can implement same thing on his life.
We can see that many action and crime movies are releasing in recent years and they are also getting good response from audience because of this many younger people are intrested in watching this movies. This movies are specially released for adults. At the same time this movies are released on OTT which are easily accessed by teenage people. After watching this they try to come same action which can lead to accident. They try to jump from the building as they have seen in the movies.
Furthermore, the crime rate are rapidly increasing due to such type of movies for example, in Bihar, India younger people are seen involve in crime activities by seeing their favourite actor playing role of gangster. Moreover, the research also shows that people who watch violence and crime movies from younger age are seen as aggresive and get involve in fight.
Government should set strong law about age catagories in movies. People under 18 years should not allow to watch this type of flims. Parents should be more aware about what there childrens are watching? and suggest them good films which will inspire them to lead in a better future. Film halls should not allow underage people" title="Correction: Film halls should not allow underage people">Film halls should not allow under age people.
In conculsion, there should be an age restriction" title="Correction: there should be an age restriction">there should to age ristriction on watching flims.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| flims | films |
| infulance | influenced |
| intrested | interested |
| aggresive | aggressive |
| catagories | categories |
| conculsion | conclusion |
| ristriction | restriction |
| childrens | children |
| there | their |
| under age | underage |
Grammatical Mistakes
26 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| impact the etiquette | impacts the etiquette | Subject-verb agreement: 'amount' is singular, so verb should be 'impacts' |
| he have seen | he has seen | Subject-verb agreement: third person singular requires 'has' |
| implement same thing | implement the same thing | Missing article 'the' before 'same thing' |
| are releasing | are being released | Passive voice needed: movies do not release themselves |
| getting good response from audience | getting a good response from the audience | Missing articles 'a' and 'the' for countable nouns |
| watching this movies | watching these movies | Demonstrative agreement: 'movies' is plural, so use 'these' |
| this movies are specially released | these movies are specially released | Demonstrative agreement: 'movies' plural requires 'these' |
| released on OTT which are easily accessed | released on OTT platforms, which are easily accessed | Clarify 'platforms' and add comma before relative clause |
| After watching this | After watching these | Pronoun agreement: 'movies' plural, so use 'these' |
| try to come same action | try to perform the same action | Verb misuse: 'come' should be 'perform' or 'do'; missing article 'the' |
| lead to accident | lead to accidents | Plural noun needed for general reference |
| the crime rate are | the crime rate is | Subject-verb agreement: 'rate' is singular, so 'is' |
| due to such type of movies | due to such types of movies | Plural agreement: 'types' should agree with 'movies' |
| in Bihar, India younger people | in Bihar, India, younger people | Comma needed after 'India' to separate geographical elements |
| are seen involve | are seen involved | Verb form: past participle 'involved' required after 'seen' |
| playing role of gangster | playing the role of a gangster | Missing articles 'the' and 'a' |
| from younger age | from a young age | Missing article 'a'; 'younger' should be 'young' as no comparison intended |
| are seen as aggresive and get involve in fight | are seen as aggressive and get involved in fights | Verb form 'involved'; plural 'fights'; also spelling corrected |
| Government should set strong law | Government should set strong laws | Plural noun needed for general regulation |
| People under 18 years should not allow | People under 18 years should not be allowed | Passive voice needed: people are the object, not subject |
| watch this type of flims | watch this type of film | Singular noun after 'this type of' |
| what there childrens are watching? | what their children are watching | Possessive 'their'; spelling 'children'; remove question mark as it is a statement |
| suggest them good films | suggest good films to them | Indirect object placement: 'good films to them' is standard |
| lead in a better future | lead a better future | Redundant preposition 'in' removed |
| Film halls should not allow under age people | Film halls should not allow underage people | Compound adjective 'underage' should be one word |
| there should to age ristriction | there should be an age restriction | Missing verb 'be' and article 'an' |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| teenage people | teenagers | More concise and commonly used term for young people |
| strong law | strict regulations | Collocation: 'strict' is more appropriate with 'laws' or 'regulations' in formal context |
| age catagories | age ratings | Standard term for movie classification by age (e.g., PG, R) |
| Film halls | Cinemas | More common and formal term for movie theaters |
| under age people | minors | Formal and precise term for individuals under legal age |
| lead in a better future | build a better future | Idiomatic expression; 'build' is the correct collocation with 'future' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The writer states a clear position (totally agree) and offers two main points (influence of movies on young people, crime increase in Bihar). Suggestions for reducing violence are present (age restrictions, parental awareness). However, the arguments lack depth and specific evidence; the Bihar example is vague and not well-supported. The conclusion is very brief and does not fully summarise the discussion.
Examples
The essay mentions 'jump from the building' and 'Bihar, India younger people are seen involve in crime activities' but does not explain or cite credible sources. The proposed steps are listed without elaboration.
How to Improve
Develop each point with more detailed reasoning or real-world examples. Address the 'to what extent' nuance by acknowledging counterarguments or discussing limitations. Expand the conclusion to reflect the main arguments and steps.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion. Transition words are limited ('Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'In conclusion'). Ideas are presented in a linear order, but there is little linking between sentences within paragraphs. The second body paragraph mixes a new example and research without clear connection.
Examples
The shift from 'action and crime movies' to 'crime rate increasing due to such movies' is abrupt. The research mention is introduced with 'Moreover' but not integrated. The concluding sentence is incomplete and disconnected.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'As a result', 'Consequently', 'On the other hand'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences flow logically. Revise the conclusion to restate the main points and proposed steps.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'flims' for 'films', 'infulance' for 'influence', 'intrested' for 'interested', 'catagories' for 'categories', 'aggresive' for 'aggressive', 'conculsion' for 'conclusion'). Word choice is often informal or imprecise ('etiquette' misused for 'behaviour', 'lead to accident' instead of 'cause accidents').
Examples
'brutality seen on screens and in flims', 'implement same thing on his life', 'come same action', 'lead in a better future'. The range is insufficient for a higher band.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to media influence and social behaviour. Proofread for spelling errors. Use more precise terms (e.g., 'imitate' instead of 'come same action', 'enact stricter laws' instead of 'set strong law'). Practice using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. Subject-verb agreement issues ('what he have seen'), incorrect verb forms ('they try to come', 'people are seen involve'), missing articles ('from younger age'), and incorrect structures ('there should to age ristriction'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, with few complex constructions.
Examples
'a person can be infulance by what he have seen' β passive voice error and subject-verb agreement. 'after watching this they try to come same action' β missing preposition and object. 'Government should set strong law about age catagories in movies' β article missing, plural issue. The final sentence is grammatically incomplete.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Practice writing compound and complex sentences (e.g., using 'because', 'although', 'which'). Proofread the essay for errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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