This Band 5 IELTS essay on the influence of media violence partially agrees with the prompt but faces challenges in coherence and grammar. The response lacks depth in analysis and suffers from abrupt transitions between ideas, which may confuse readers. Additionally, it shows several grammatical errors, suggesting opportunities for improved clarity and precision.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay addresses the task by partially agreeing with the statement about violence in media influencing youth behavior and suggesting some preventive measures. However, the response lacks depth and critical engagement with the topic. The coherence and cohesion are somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear structure. The lexical resource is limited with repetitive and basic vocabulary. Additionally, the essay exhibits a range of grammatical inaccuracies and errors that occasionally obscure meaning.
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I partly agree that violent content on television and movies can influences the behavior of young people. The reason is because if there's no limits from their parents to choose better and educated content it might be bad for young people and they can try to hurt or fight someone someday.
Next, young people must have ability to think that not all of the content can watch especially violence content due to it's bad for themselves. They have to do something if the content it's sensitive. Not only that, they have to do some fun activities to reduce violence content.
Moreover, family, friends, and also environment are needed. Family can give the activities of which one is good and which one is bad for their kids, and also they've to check and choose the content for their kids so that their kids not influenced by the violence content. Next is friends, friends is the one of the people that really understand young people because we play with them, tell stories with them, and also do the fun activities. So, we have to pick a good friends to match with our personality so that we can reduce violence. Last one is environment, this is important part to life. Imagine if your environment are full of bad people, violence, and unsafe you will influence to do the same things. But, if you able to choose the best environment you will avoided from problem and violence also you can enjoy your life better.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| influences | influence |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| because if there's no limits | because if there are no limits | Subject-verb agreement: 'limits' is plural and requires 'are' |
| must have ability | must have the ability | Article misuse: 'ability' requires the definite article 'the' |
| content can watch | content they can watch | Missing subject: 'they' is needed to clarify who is watching |
| due to it's bad | because it is bad | Incorrect word choice: 'due to' should be replaced with 'because' |
| if the content it's sensitive | if the content is sensitive | Contraction misuse: replace 'it's' with 'is' |
| environment are needed | environment is needed | Subject-verb agreement: 'environment' is singular and requires 'is' |
| friends is the one | friends are the ones | Subject-verb agreement: 'friends' is plural and requires 'are' |
| pick a good friends | pick good friends | Article misuse: 'friends' is plural and should not be preceded by 'a' |
| environment are full | environment is full | Subject-verb agreement: 'environment' is singular and requires 'is' |
| you will influence to do | you will be influenced to do | Passive voice correction: missing 'be' in the passive construction |
| if you able | if you are able | Missing auxiliary verb: 'are' needed for correct auxiliary structure |
| you will avoided | you will avoid | Incorrect verb form: 'will' should be followed by the base form 'avoid' |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| do some fun activities | engage in leisure activities | More precise and formal wording |
| important part to life | important aspect of life | More precise expression for academic writing |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The response partially addresses the task by agreeing that media influences young people and suggesting preventative measures.
Examples
Points such as parental guidance and the role of family, friends, and environment are mentioned.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed examples and analysis on how media violence affects youth and elaborate more comprehensively on steps to mitigate this.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay lacks clear organization, with points presented in a somewhat disjointed fashion.
Examples
Sentences often start abruptly and there is little use of linking phrases to connect ideas.
How to Improve
Improve the flow by structuring the essay with clear introductions, body paragraphs with distinct points, and a conclusion. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, lacking variety.
Examples
Words like 'bad', 'good', 'fun activities', and 'violence content' are repeated. Minimal use of advanced vocabulary.
How to Improve
Expand your range of vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise words. Incorporate a wider range of terms related to the topic.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that sometimes hinder understanding.
Examples
Mistakes include incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect sentence structures.
How to Improve
Focus on sentence structure and verb agreement. Practice writing complex sentences with correct grammatical forms and review basic grammar rules.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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