Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay on Violence Influence: Clarity & Development Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

A vast number of individuals agree that the violence displayed of tv channels are influencing the behaviours of young people, indirectly raising the level of agression in the community. I completely agree with this thesis, however, adults guidance and cosequences should be taken into consideration to minimize youth violence.

Futhermore, constant watch on children helps prevent violence. This can be performed by parents or teachers, sense of warning" title="Correction: whose presence creates a sense of warning">for which their prescence creates a sense of warning to youth, hence, discoraging rough act.For example, children playing roughly on the swings and in the abscence of supervisors, a child was pushed hard and sustained a head fracture that has premanently disfigured his appearance. To add to this, it is advisable that new parents watch and study their child's or children's attitude to ensure that they can counteract these behaviours if they are developed at very young ages.

Additionally, they are there to ensure the students understand the consequences of their actions and mental issues" title="Correction: the potential effects such as illnesses, fractures, and, in severe cases, mental issues">the potential effects such as illnesses, fractures and in severe cases mental issues. For instance, gain any form of education" title="Correction: a 2020 incident in Greensprings led to the death of a 14-year-old. Today, the adults who were meant to supervise face criticism, and the children cannot gain any form of education">a 2020 incident in Greensprings led to the death of a 14 year old, today the adults who were meant to supervise face critisism and the children can gain any form of education. Lastly, punishments should be put into place as a form of discipline and warning to stop such attributes.

In conclusion, I do not disagree with this statement because it can increase the level of aggression among people and should be discoraged among peers by constant supervision and repracautions.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.