This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of violence in media on youth behavior. With critical spelling and grammar errors, the essay highlights the need for improvement in language accuracy and the development of ideas.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses both parts of the question (agree/disagree and solutions) and meets the minimum word count (367 words). However, the development of ideas is limited, repetitive, and lacks depth. There are frequent errors in spelling, vocabulary, and grammar that impede clarity. The overall band score is 5.0.
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It is believed that many people believe that the percentage of violence shown on television and in movies motivates young people to behave accordinly. percentage of violence" title="Correction: This step raises the percentage of violence">This step raises percentage of violence in our society. I completely agree with this statement. This essay will discuss this view present possible solutions to this problem.
There is no doubt that, our younsters behave exactly whatever the saw. Nowadays, it become frequent to show tv programs and movies based on the concept of violence. Many stories are based on truth and reality. To some extent, it is not wrong to show such kind of incidents. Because many of our people get knowledege about what is happening around through these tv programs. Moreover, now youngster's try to copy their elders. If they saw there elders doing violence activities like threatening someone or somking cigar or maybe killing or harassing someonec, then our youngsters might follow the same behaviour. This may result in negative consequences. Our younsters might also follow this kind of behaviour in their society and this may rise the level of violence in our society.
From my perpective, this statement holds positive approach. It is true that whatever people saw on tv they start following the same trend. That is also happening to our young generation because they also start following the same violece based trend in their society.
There are many possible solutions to this problem. Firstly, it is better to avoid making TV programs and movies about violence in large quantities" title="Correction: avoid making TV programs and movies about violence in large quantities">avoid making tv programs and movies on violence in large quantity. Only one ot two programs or movies based on this concept will not harm the society that much. Secondly, agr limit should be applied on this kind of programs. Because it will allow only mature people to watch such kind of progrmas. Lastly, it is also crucial for parents to have proper check and balance over their children.
To summarize, it can be said that it is true that young people will adopt the same behaviour whatever they saw on television and in movies. So it is essential to avoid uploading violence activities on tv screen. However, when a problem exists then solution also extists there. Some important steps should be taken to minimize violence in a society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| accordinly | accordingly |
| younsters | youngsters |
| knowledege | knowledge |
| somking | smoking |
| someonec | someone |
| perpective | perspective |
| violece | violence |
| progrmas | programs |
| agr | age |
| extists | exists |
| ot | or |
Grammatical Mistakes
23 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| This step raises percentage of violence | This step raises the percentage of violence | Missing definite article 'the' before 'percentage' |
| discuss this view present possible solutions | discuss this view and present possible solutions | Missing conjunction 'and' between two verbs |
| There is no doubt that, our younsters | There is no doubt that our youngsters | Unnecessary comma after 'that' |
| behave exactly whatever the saw | behave exactly as they see | Incorrect pronoun 'the' should be 'they'; verb tense should be present for general truth |
| it become frequent | it becomes frequent | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires third-person singular verb 'becomes' |
| now youngster's try | now youngsters try | Incorrect possessive apostrophe; should be plural noun 'youngsters' |
| If they saw there elders | If they see their elders | Conditional statement requires present tense 'see' and possessive 'their' instead of 'there' |
| doing violence activities | doing violent activities | Adjective 'violent' needed to modify 'activities', not noun 'violence' |
| threatening someone or somking cigar | threatening someone or smoking a cigar | Missing article 'a' before singular noun 'cigar' |
| harassing someonec | harassing someone | Stray letter 'c' at the end |
| this may rise the level | this may raise the level | 'Rise' is intransitive; 'raise' is transitive and required here |
| holds positive approach | holds a positive approach | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'positive' |
| whatever people saw on tv they start following | whatever people see on TV, they start following | Verb tense should be present 'see' for general statement; missing comma before 'they' |
| they also start following the same violece based trend | they start following the same violence-based trend | Remove unnecessary 'also'; hyphenate compound adjective 'violence-based' |
| avoid making tv programs and movies on violence in large quantity | avoid making TV programs and movies about violence in large quantities | Preposition 'on' should be 'about'; 'quantity' should be plural 'quantities'; 'TV' capitalized |
| Only one ot two programs | Only one or two programs | Typo 'ot' should be 'or' |
| will not harm the society that much | will not harm society that much | Definite article 'the' is unnecessary before 'society' in general context |
| agr limit should be applied on this kind of programs | an age limit should be applied to this kind of program | Missing article 'an'; preposition 'on' should be 'to'; 'programs' should be singular after 'kind of' |
| allow only mature people to watch such kind of progrmas | allow only mature people to watch such programs | Remove redundant 'kind of' |
| have proper check and balance over their children | have proper checks and balances over their children | Idiomatic phrase requires plural 'checks and balances' |
| to avoid uploading violence activities on tv screen | to avoid uploading violent activities on TV screens | Adjective 'violent' needed; 'tv screen' should be plural 'TV screens' |
| when a problem exists then solution also extists there | when a problem exists, then a solution also exists | Missing comma after 'exists'; missing article 'a' before 'solution'; 'extists' typo; 'there' is redundant |
| minimize violence in a society | minimize violence in society | Indefinite article 'a' is unnecessary when referring to society in general |
Vocabulary Improvements
13 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| percentage of violence | level of violence | 'Percentage' is too specific; 'level' is more natural in this context |
| whatever the saw | as they see | 'Whatever' is vague and informal; 'as' is more precise for behavior matching |
| get knowledege | gain knowledge | 'Get' is informal; 'gain' is more academic |
| copy their elders | imitate their elders | 'Copy' is informal; 'imitate' is more formal and precise |
| doing violence activities | engaging in violent activities | 'Doing' is too general; 'engaging in' is more formal; 'violence activities' is a collocation error |
| like threatening someone or somking cigar or maybe killing | such as threatening someone, smoking cigars, or even killing | 'Like' is informal for examples; use 'such as'; 'maybe' is casual; 'even' is stronger; 'cigar' should be plural |
| holds positive approach | has a positive approach | 'Holds' is not idiomatic with 'approach'; 'has' or 'takes' is correct |
| avoid making tv programs | avoid producing TV programs | 'Making' is informal; 'producing' is more professional |
| harm the society that much | harm society much | 'That much' is colloquial; remove 'that' for formal tone |
| applied on this kind of programs | applied to this kind of program | Correct preposition is 'to', not 'on' |
| have proper check and balance | exercise proper checks and balances | 'Have' is weak; 'exercise' is more active; fixed phrase is plural 'checks and balances' |
| uploading violence activities on tv screen | depicting violent activities on TV screens | 'Uploading' is inappropriate for broadcast media; use 'depicting' or 'showing' |
| solution also extists there | solution also exists | 'There' is redundant; remove for clarity |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay clearly states agreement with the statement and proposes some solutions, but the arguments are underdeveloped and rely heavily on repetition. The discussion of how media influences youth is simplistic and lacks specific examples or evidence. The solutions are mentioned but not elaborated on in sufficient detail.
Examples
For instance, the essay repeats 'youngsters copy what they see' without exploring mediating factors or counterarguments. The solution paragraph lists three ideas ('avoid making many violent programs', 'age limit', 'parental control') but does not explain how these would be implemented or why they are effective.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific examples, research, or logical reasoning. Address potential counterarguments (e.g., some research shows media violence does not directly cause real violence). For solutions, explain steps clearly and consider practical challenges.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but the flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and limited use of cohesive devices. Paragraphs are not always logically connected, and some ideas are repeated without progression.
Examples
The second paragraph jumps from 'truth-based stories' to 'copying elders' without clear transition. Phrases like 'From my perspective, this statement holds positive approach' are unclear. The conclusion repeats the introduction almost verbatim.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. Employ linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'in contrast') to show relationships. Avoid repetition by summarizing points in the conclusion rather than restating them.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate or inappropriate for an academic task. There are numerous spelling errors (e.g., 'accordiinly', 'younsters', 'violece', 'extists') and misuse of words (e.g., 'percentage of violence' instead of 'amount'). The range is narrow, with frequent repetition of basic terms like 'violence', 'youngsters', 'programs'.
Examples
Incorrect: 'motivates young people to behave accordinly' β 'accordingly' is misspelled. 'agr limit' should be 'age limit'. 'check and balance' is a collocation error (better: 'monitoring').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading academic articles on the topic. Practice using synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents' for 'youngsters', 'depiction' for 'showing'). Proofread for spelling errors and use a dictionary to check word forms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammar is frequently incorrect, with errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, verb tenses, and sentence structure. Many sentences are run-ons or fragments, causing confusion. There is little variety in sentence types (mostly simple or repetitive compound sentences).
Examples
Example errors: 'our younsters behave exactly whatever the saw' (wrong tense and missing preposition: 'whatever they see'). 'it become frequent' (subject-verb agreement: 'it becomes'). 'When a problem exists then solution also extists there' (fragment and spelling).
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and article usage (a/an/the). Practice writing complex sentences using subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although some violence is based on reality, it should not be glamorized'). Proofread carefully.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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