This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of violence in media on young people. While it addresses the topic, it contains superficial ideas and limitations in vocabulary that hinder clarity. Improving these areas can significantly enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic by agreeing that violence in media influences young people and suggests steps to reduce it, meeting the minimum word count of 263 words. However, the response is underdeveloped with superficial ideas and repetition. The structure is basic but coherent, vocabulary is limited with errors, and grammar contains noticeable mistakes.
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A number of people think that violence being displayed on television and in the movies have a major impact over the mind of young people resulting to violence in our society. I strongly agree with this statement and believe that by taking appropriate measures we can overcome this problem.
Some movies have scenes that are very violent and can deeply affect one's mind and behaviour. Sometimes, violence can also be seen on the news. Normally, it is just news but for some people it leaves an impact o their brain. For instance, in action movies violence is very common. Also some sports channel stream violence in form of wrestling, boxing etc.
A complete wipe out of violence may be impossible but there are specific measures that can be taken to lessen violence in the present. For example, disclaimer at the beginning of every seen shall be a compulsory part of the particular media that contain violent seens in it, so that the people watching it shall know what they are getting into. The government can also play a vital role in reduction of violence in young people i.e. by promoting sports that are healthy to watch and play such as baseball, football, badminton etc. Also, the governmant may ban the channels to display sports that are violent such as kick-boxing, MMA, UFC, Karate etc.
Concluding the above discussion, in my opinion quantity of violence seen on television and in movies has" title="Correction: The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies has">The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies have a great influence on the behaviour of young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
3 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| o | on |
| seens | scenes |
| governmant | government |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| violence being displayed on television and in the movies have | violence being displayed on television and in the movies has | Subject-verb agreement: 'violence' is singular, so 'has' should be used. |
| impact over | impact on | Preposition error: 'impact' typically takes 'on'. |
| resulting to | resulting in | Preposition error: 'resulting in' is the correct phrase for consequences. |
| sports channel stream violence in form of | sports channels stream violence in the form of | Article missing and pluralization: 'channels' should be plural for general reference, and 'the' is needed before 'form'. |
| disclaimer at the beginning | a disclaimer at the beginning | Article missing: 'disclaimer' requires an article. |
| shall know | will know | Modal verb usage: 'will' is more common than 'shall' in modern English. |
| in reduction of | in the reduction of | Article missing: 'reduction' often requires 'the'. |
| ban the channels to display | ban channels from displaying | Incorrect construction: 'ban from' is the correct phrase. |
| The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies have | The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies has | Subject-verb agreement: 'quantity' is singular, so 'has' should be used. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| wipe out | eradication | Too informal; 'eradication' is more academic. |
| get into | expect | Informal phrase; 'expect' is more formal in this context. |
| healthy | wholesome | Vague; 'wholesome' is more precise for describing positive activities. |
| Concluding the above discussion | In conclusion | Redundant; standard transition phrase is more concise. |
| quantity | amount | 'Quantity' is often used for countable nouns; 'amount' is better for uncountable concepts like violence. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The writer clearly states agreement with the prompt but fails to provide a fully extended argument. Support is limited to brief, vague examples (e.g., action movies, sports channels) without detailed analysis or evidence. The conclusion merely restates the prompt.
Examples
Examples such as 'action movies violence is very common' and 'sports channel stream violence in form of wrestling' are not elaborated. The suggested steps (disclaimers, government bans) are mentioned but not explored in depth.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific explanations, real-world studies, or consequences. Discuss the extent of agreement more critically, e.g., by considering counterarguments or varying impacts on different age groups.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a recognizable structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraph unity is weak; ideas jump between topics (e.g., movies, news, sports) without clear transitions. Cohesive devices are minimal and sometimes misused.
Examples
The first body paragraph moves from movies to news to sports abruptly. The second paragraph uses 'for example' but lists measures without logical sequencing. The conclusion repeats phrases from the introduction.
How to Improve
Use linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea (e.g., one paragraph for effects, another for solutions). Improve paragraph topic sentences.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is repetitive and occasionally inaccurate, with spelling errors and informal expressions. Word choice is basic, lacking sophistication or precision.
Examples
Misspellings: 'seens' for 'scenes', 'governmant' for 'government'. Informal phrases: 'wipe out', 'get into'. Repetition of 'violence' and 'young people' without variation.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to media and society (e.g., 'depiction', 'aggression', 'mitigate'). Use a thesaurus for synonyms. Proofread for spelling and avoid colloquial terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Sentence structures are mostly simple, with several grammatical errors that impede clarity. There are issues with prepositions, verb forms, and article usage.
Examples
Incorrect prepositions: 'impact over' instead of 'impact on', 'resulting to' instead of 'resulting in'. Awkward phrasing: 'disclaimer at the beginning of every seen shall be a compulsory part'. Run-on sentences: 'A complete wipe out... but there are...'.
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures (e.g., relative clauses, conditional sentences). Review grammar rules for prepositions, subject-verb agreement, and articles. Proofread to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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