In this Band 6.5 IELTS essay on media violence, the writer largely agrees with the impact of violent content on youth behavior. Despite a coherent structure and relevant suggestions, frequent spelling errors and language inaccuracies hindered the overall score. Discover key areas for improvement to enhance your writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (286 words) and directly addresses both parts of the question: it states a clear position (largely agree) and suggests steps to reduce violence. The argument is developed with a reason (desensitization) and practical measures (regulation, education, activities). However, frequent spelling errors and some grammatical inaccuracies prevent a higher score, particularly in lexical resource and grammar. Overall, the response is coherent and on-topic, but language accuracy needs improvement.
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It is often argued that high volume of violence purtrayed on television and in films has a direct impact on the behavior of young people, ultimately leading to a more violent society. I largely agree with this view, as media consumption plays a significant role in shaping adolescent mindsets, though I believe other societal factors are at play.
The primary reason media violence is influential is the concept of desensitiztion. When young people are repeatedly exposed to aggressive acts on screen, they may begin to view violence as a normal or even heroic way to resolve conflicts. For instance action movies often depict "the good guy" using extreme force of morality for an impressionabel teenager. Consequently, this cab manifest as aggressive behavior in real-life social interactions.
However, to lessen the level of violence in society, several proactive steps can be taken. First, governments and broadcasting authorities should enforce stricter age-rating systems and regulate the time of day certain content is aired. This ensures that graphic content is less accessible to children during peak viewing hours.
Secondly, education plays a vital role. Parents and schools should work together to promote media literacy, teaching children to distinguish between fictional entertainment and real-world consequences. By encouraging critical thinking, youth can learn to enjoy media without mimmicking the negative behaviors seen on screen. Additionally, providing more community-based extracurricular activities can give young people a positive outlet for their energy, reducing the likehood of them engaging in antisocial behavior.
In conclusion, while media violence undeniably contributes to rising aggression in the youthl, It is a challenge that can be managed, Through a combination of stricter regulation and better social education, we can mitigate these negative influences and foster a safer enviroment.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| purtrayed | portrayed |
| desensitiztion | desensitization |
| cab | can |
| mimmicking | mimicking |
| likehood | likelihood |
| youthl | youth |
| enviroment | environment |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| For instance action movies | For instance, action movies | Missing comma after introductory phrase 'For instance' |
| for an impressionabel teenager | to an impressionable teenager | Preposition misuse: 'for' suggests purpose; 'to' indicates the audience. Spelling also corrected. |
| It | it | Incorrect capitalization after a comma; 'it' should be lowercase as it continues the sentence. |
| Through | through | Incorrect capitalization after a comma; 'through' should be lowercase. |
Vocabulary Improvements
1 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| force of morality | force in the name of morality | Collocation issue; 'force of morality' is not idiomatic. Suggest 'force in the name of morality' to convey justification. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay clearly agrees with the statement and provides reasons and solutions. Both parts of the question are addressed adequately. The position is maintained throughout, and the examples (e.g., desensitization, age-rating systems, media literacy) are relevant but could be more specific.
Examples
The introduction states 'I largely agree with this view' and the body gives a concrete mechanism ('desensitiztion') and two solution categories. The conclusion restates the position and proposed measures.
How to Improve
To strengthen task response, develop the examples further. For instance, instead of a vague reference to action movies, describe a specific film scene and its potential effect. Also, ensure that the solutions are linked clearly to the causes mentioned.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, one body paragraph on causes, one on solutions, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices such as 'first', 'secondly', 'additionally', and 'in conclusion' are used effectively. Paragraphing is clear, and ideas flow naturally.
Examples
The transition from cause to solution is signaled by 'However, to lessen the level of violence...'. Within the solution paragraph, 'First' and 'Secondly' organize the points. The conclusion summarizes well.
How to Improve
Minor improvements: use a wider range of linking phrases (e.g., 'moreover', 'consequently') and avoid starting the conclusion with 'In conclusion' as the only transition. Also correct the capitalization error in 'Through' (should be 'through').
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
There is a good attempt to use topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'desensitization', 'media literacy', 'age-rating systems', 'proactive steps'). However, multiple spelling errors and word choice mistakes reduce the overall impression and occasionally obscure meaning.
Examples
Errors include: 'purtrayed' (portrayed), 'desensitiztion' (desensitization), 'impressionabel' (impressionable), 'cab manifest' (can manifest), 'mimmicking' (mimicking), 'likehood' (likelihood), 'youthl' (youth), 'enviroment' (environment). Also, 'using extreme force of morality' is unclear.
How to Improve
Practice proofreading to eliminate spelling mistakes. Build vocabulary for common academic collocations (e.g., 'exposure to violence', 'model behavior', 'regulatory measures'). Use a dictionary to check unfamiliar words before writing.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional clauses, relative clauses). However, there are frequent errors in articles, punctuation, and verb forms that affect clarity and accuracy.
Examples
Missing comma in 'For instance action movies' (should be 'For instance, action movies...'). Subject-verb error: 'This cab manifest' (can). Awkward phrasing: 'using extreme force of morality for an impressionabel teenager'. Capitalization error: 'Through a combination' within a sentence. Also, 'the youthl' is a typo.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar: article usage (e.g., 'the high volume'), comma after introductory phrases, and consistent verb forms. Practice writing complex sentences and then checking for subject-verb agreement and article correctness. Consider writing shorter, clearer sentences to reduce errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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