In this band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay on media violence, the writer partially agrees with the statement regarding its impact on youth behavior. The essay addresses both parts of the question but lacks thorough development of ideas and features some repetitive vocabulary. Enhancing these areas can lead to a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (268 words) and addresses both parts of the question appropriately. The writer presents a clear position of partial agreement and suggests steps to reduce violence. However, ideas could be more fully developed, and vocabulary is somewhat repetitive. The essay is well-organized with generally accurate grammar.
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Many people believe that the large amount of violence shown on television and in movies affects young people’s behaviour and increases violence in society. I partly agree with this opinion because media can influence young minds, but it is not the only reason for violent behaviour.
On the one hand, young people are easily influenced by what they watch. When they see violent scenes repeatedly, they may start to think that aggression is normal or acceptable. Some teenagers try to copy their favourite actors or characters without understanding the real consequences of violence. In addition, constant exposure to violent content can reduce feelings of sympathy and make young people less sensitive to the pain of others. Therefore, media violence can have a negative impact, especially on children who do not have proper guidance
On the other hand, violence in society cannot be blamed only on television or movies. Other factors such as family problems, lack of education, poverty, and peer pressure also play important roles. For example, children who grow up in a violent home environment are more likely to behave aggressively. Social issues and poor parenting may have a stronger influence than media.
To reduce violence at present, several steps can be taken. Parents should monitor what their children watch and guide them properly. Governments can introduce stricter rules for violent content and improve age restrictions. Schools can also teach moral values and conflict resolution skills.
In conclusion, although media violence can influence young people, it is not the main cause of violence in society. Proper supervision, education, and social support are necessary to reduce this problem.
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Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay responds to both parts of the question: the extent of agreement and suggested steps. The position is clear (partial agreement) and main ideas are relevant, with some support and examples.
Examples
The writer agrees that media can influence young people by normalizing aggression and reducing sympathy. Other factors like family problems and poverty are also mentioned. Steps include parental monitoring, government regulations, and school education.
How to Improve
To improve, develop ideas more thoroughly. Provide more specific examples or evidence for the media's influence and other factors. Elaborate on how the suggested steps would work in practice, and consider addressing potential counterarguments.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs for each side, solutions, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to link ideas.
Examples
Linking words and phrases: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'In addition', 'Therefore', 'For example', 'In conclusion'. Paragraphs each focus on a central idea.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Conversely', 'As a result') and ensure smoother transitions between sentences. Consider more sophisticated paragraph structures, such as starting with a topic sentence followed by detailed explanation and examples.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and generally accurate, but there is some repetition and a lack of less common lexical items.
Examples
Words like 'violence', 'influenced', 'young people' are repeated. Appropriate but basic vocabulary: 'aggression', 'consequences', 'exposure', 'sympathy', 'supervision'.
How to Improve
Use synonyms and more precise vocabulary to avoid repetition (e.g., 'adolescents' instead of 'young people', 'brutality' or 'hostility' for 'violence'). Incorporate topic-specific phrases (e.g., 'desensitization', 'copycat behavior', 'regulatory frameworks').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with good accuracy. Errors are minor and do not impede communication.
Examples
Complex sentence: 'When they see violent scenes repeatedly, they may start to think that aggression is normal or acceptable.' Accurate use of tenses and subject-verb agreement.
How to Improve
To achieve a higher band, use a wider variety of complex structures, such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participle phrases. Pay attention to punctuation, especially at the end of sentences, and ensure consistency in grammatical accuracy throughout.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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