This Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While the response effectively addresses the question, it struggles with several spelling and grammatical errors. Improving these areas can enhance the overall clarity and quality of the argument presented.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 253 words and addresses both parts of the question: agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce it. However, frequent spelling and grammatical errors limit the clarity and sophistication of the response. The arguments are logically presented but could benefit from more detailed development and examples.
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It is often argued that the high amount of violence shown on television and in flims has a negative effect on the behaviour of young people, leading to more violent society. I completely agree with this view, as media consumption plays a major role in shaping the midset of the youth.
One reason for this trend is that children and teenegers often imitate what they see. When young people watch action movies where heroes use violence to solve problems, they may view physical aggression as an acceptable or even "cool" way to handle conflict. Futhermore, constant exoposure to violent scanes can desensitize the audience. This means that after seeing so much blood and fighting on screen, people may be become less shocked by real-life violence, making it more likely to occur in iur communities.
To lesson this volience, several steps can be taken by both parents and government. First Parental supervision is crucial. Parents should monitor what their children watch and use age-rating systems to block inappropriate content. Secondly, the government and media boards should enforce stricter reguations on the timng of violent programs, ensuring they are only broadcast late at night when children are asleep. Finally, school should educate students about "media literacy," helping them understand the difference between fictional entertainment and real-world consequences.
In conslusion, the glorification of violence in the media is a significant factor in rising societal aggression. However, through a combination of stricter controls and better education, we can protect the young generation and create a safer environment.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
12 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| flims | films |
| midset | mindset |
| teenegers | teenagers |
| Futhermore | Furthermore |
| exoposure | exposure |
| scanes | scenes |
| iur | our |
| lesson | lessen |
| volience | violence |
| reguations | regulations |
| timng | timing |
| conslusion | conclusion |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| leading to more violent society | leading to a more violent society | Missing article 'a' before 'more violent society' |
| people may be become less shocked | people may become less shocked | Incorrect verb form; 'be become' should be 'become' |
| both parents and government | both parents and the government | Article missing for 'government'; should be 'the government' for specificity |
| First Parental supervision is crucial | First, parental supervision is crucial | Punctuation error; comma after 'First' and lowercase 'parental' for consistency |
| school should educate | schools should educate | Subject-verb agreement; 'school' is singular, but for general reference, use plural 'schools' |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| cool | socially acceptable | Informal word; in academic writing, use more formal alternatives |
| high amount | high level | 'Amount' is less precise for abstract concepts like violence; 'level' is more academic |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The response is relevant and fully addresses the task. The writer clearly states agreement, provides reasons (imitation and desensitization), and suggests practical steps (parental supervision, government regulations, media literacy). However, the development of ideas is somewhat brief and lacks depth or counterarguments.
Examples
The essay mentions that young people may imitate violence from movies and become desensitized, and proposes that parents monitor content, governments enforce stricter broadcasting times, and schools teach media literacy.
How to Improve
To improve, expand on each point with specific examples or studies. Consider addressing opposing views (e.g., some argue that media violence has minimal impact) to create a more balanced argument. Ensure each paragraph delves deeper into the implications and evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesive devices like 'One reason,' 'Furthermore,' 'First,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' are used effectively. However, spelling errors (e.g., 'flims' for 'films', 'midset' for 'mindset') occasionally disrupt the flow.
Examples
Paragraphs are logically organized: first body paragraph discusses causes, second proposes solutions. Linking words connect ideas, but errors like 'lesson' for 'lessen' and 'conslusion' for 'conclusion' hinder smooth reading.
How to Improve
Proofread carefully to correct spelling mistakes. Use a wider range of linking phrases (e.g., 'In addition,' 'Conversely') to enhance cohesion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas transition smoothly without repetition.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'media consumption,' 'desensitize,' 'age-rating systems,' and 'media literacy.' However, multiple spelling errors indicate poor control of word formation, which reduces the lexical resource score.
Examples
Misspellings include 'flims' (films), 'teenegers' (teenagers), 'exoposure' (exposure), 'scanes' (scenes), 'volience' (violence), 'reguations' (regulations), and 'timng' (timing).
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning more precise synonyms (e.g., 'portrayal' instead of 'shown'). Practice spelling through writing exercises and use tools like dictionaries. Avoid repetitive phrases by varying word choice (e.g., 'impact' instead of 'effect').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and sometimes affect clarity. There are issues with verb forms, articles, and punctuation.
Examples
Errors include 'may be become' (should be 'may become'), 'in iur communities' (our communities), and comma splice in 'I completely agree... as media consumption plays...'. Also, 'To lesson this volience' should be 'To lessen this violence.'
How to Improve
Review grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Proofread to identify and correct errors, and consider seeking feedback from teachers or using grammar check tools.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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