This Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While it adequately addresses the task, clarity issues and repetitive arguments affect its overall strength. Discover how to enhance your writing with specific focus on analysis and coherence.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question: it clearly agrees that media violence influences youth and proposes practical steps to reduce it. The word count (312) exceeds the 250-word minimum. However, the response lacks deeper analysis and some arguments are repetitive. Coherence is maintained with clear paragraphing, but transitions could be smoother. Lexical resource is sufficient but limited in range and precision, and grammatical errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasing) prevent a higher score. Overall, the essay meets task requirements at a B2 level.
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Violence seen on television and in movies has been increasing a lot in recent times. As the perspectives of the audience change, the style of making shows and films has evolved in a way that involves factors like violence. However, numerous people claim that this increase in quantity has influenced the behaviour of the younger generation and, as a result, raises the violence levels in society.
Considering the argument, I believe that the quantity of violence has influenced the younger generations and must be controlled. Due to the growth of digital media, streaming services, and other platforms, the audience are introduced to a larger sector of movies and shows, which changes the perspective of the viewership. Since movies and shows are generally made to satisfy the audience, this has increased the involvement of violence. However, the limitations of restrictions based on age have made this issue bigger. As a result, we can see examples of increased violence among children and the younger generations.
To address this issue, steps must be taken by each of the concerned members. Online services and Movie theatres must bring strict restrictions to the viewership based on age. Filmmakers and Show Producers must look into their content and take measures to reduce the amount of violence shown in their creations. Even if these changes are made or not, the major responsibility to avoid this issue is in the hands of the individuals and their parents. Parents must monitor their children and take necessary actions to ensure that they aren't exposed to inappropriate content. They must also teach the rights and wrongs of what their children are doing so that the kids don't get influenced by such things.
In conclusion, I strongly feel that if efforts are taken as individuals and as a community would lessen the impact of violence among the younger generations and create a positive impact.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| if efforts are taken as individuals and as a community would lessen | if efforts are taken by individuals and as a community, they would lessen | Incorrect conditional structure; the main clause lacks a clear subject for 'would lessen'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| increasing a lot | increasing significantly | 'a lot' is informal; 'significantly' is more academic and precise. |
| larger sector of movies and shows | wider range of movies and shows | 'sector' is not the correct collocation; 'range' or 'selection' is appropriate. |
| involvement of violence | prevalence of violence | 'involvement' is vague; 'prevalence' more accurately describes frequency or presence. |
| limitations of restrictions based on age | insufficient age-based restrictions | 'limitations of restrictions' is awkward and redundant; 'insufficient' is clearer. |
| teach the rights and wrongs | teach right from wrong | The idiomatic expression is 'teach right from wrong'; 'rights and wrongs' is non-standard. |
| the kids | children | 'kids' is informal; 'children' is more appropriate for academic writing. |
| concerned members | stakeholders | 'concerned members' is vague; 'stakeholders' is a precise term for parties with an interest. |
| bring strict restrictions | implement strict restrictions | 'bring restrictions' is not a standard collocation; 'implement' is the correct verb. |
| avoid this issue | address this issue | 'avoid' implies escaping; 'address' is more appropriate when discussing active solutions. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement (explicitly agreeing) and steps to reduce violence. It provides relevant examples (e.g., digital media growth, parental monitoring) and maintains focus. However, the argument could be more developed—some points are stated without elaboration (e.g., 'the limitations of restrictions based on age have made this issue bigger' lacks explanation). The conclusion is clear but slightly abrupt.
Examples
The essay states 'I believe that the quantity of violence has influenced the younger generations and must be controlled' and later lists steps like 'strict restrictions to the viewership based on age'. These directly answer the question.
How to Improve
To improve, include a counter-argument or nuanced perspective (e.g., acknowledge that not all youth are affected) and expand on why age restrictions alone are insufficient. Provide specific studies or data to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized: introduction, body paragraph on agreement, body paragraph on steps, conclusion. Each paragraph has a central idea. Cohesive devices (However, Considering, To address, Even if) are used, but some are overused or awkward (e.g., 'As a result, we can see examples...' is vague). Ideas flow generally well, but paragraph 2 mixes agreement with causes, which slightly blurs focus.
Examples
Transition from first body paragraph to second: 'To address this issue, steps must be taken...' is clear. However, within the first body paragraph, the link between 'digital media growth' and 'limited age restrictions' could be better signaled.
How to Improve
Use more varied linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'Nevertheless') and ensure each paragraph has a single clear topic sentence. Avoid vague references like 'this issue' without specifying.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks range and sophistication. Words like 'violence', 'audience', 'shows/movies' are repeated. Some collocations are not quite natural (e.g., 'sector of movies and shows', 'involvement of violence'). There is some attempt at variation ('viewership', 'filmmakers', 'producers'), but overall lexical choices are simple.
Examples
Phrasing such as 'the style of making shows and films has evolved in a way that involves factors like violence' is wordy and imprecise. 'Must be controlled' is correct but basic.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by using synonyms for 'violence' (aggression, graphic content) and 'influence' (impact, shape). Use more precise terms like 'censor', 'regulate', 'desensitize'. Practice writing with topic-specific collocations (e.g., 'age-appropriate content', 'mitigate harmful effects').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay uses mainly simple and compound sentences with attempts at complex structures (e.g., 'Since movies and shows are generally made to satisfy the audience, this has increased...'). However, there are noticeable errors: 'the audience are introduced' (subject-verb agreement—'audience' is singular or 'audiences' plural), 'the major responsibility...is in the hands of the individuals' (awkward), and missing article before 'rights and wrongs'. Punctuation is generally correct.
Examples
Example errors: 'the audience are introduced' should be 'the audience is introduced' or 'audiences are introduced'. 'If efforts are taken as individuals and as a community would lessen' – missing subject or restructure: 'If efforts are taken by individuals and the community, they would lessen'.
How to Improve
Review subject-verb agreement (especially collective nouns). Practice conditional sentences (If...then) and relative clauses. Proofread for prepositions (e.g., 'impact on' not 'impact among') and article usage (the rights and wrongs).
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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