This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the trend of fathers becoming primary caregivers and its positive implications. While the response addresses both parts of the question, it lacks depth in supporting its claims and could improve in cohesion between ideas.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Parental Roles · 40 min
Nowadays, more fathers stay home and look after their children while mothers go to work. What are the possible causes of this? Do you think it is a good or a bad trend?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 260 words and addresses both parts of the question. However, it lacks depth in explaining causes and justifying the opinion, with underdeveloped main ideas. The structure is clear but cohesion could be improved. Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive, and grammatical errors are present. Overall, it is a competent response but with limitations.
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Both parents play an important role in nurturing a child. Nowadays, fathers tend to look after their children while staying at home, and mothers are more likely to work. This essay will discuss the underlying reason for this preference and elaborate on why it is a good trend.
To start, there are a few reasons for a mothers' preference to work. First, society today treats both parents equally and shows concern that a father taking care of a child is also important. Therefore, both parents get a certain time of maternal or paternal leave after pregnancy so as to take care of their child. Second, nowadays corporate employees are able to work from home, and mostly men prefer working from home and becoming the responsible parent for their child.
This trend that fathers prefer taking care of the child at home is positive for several reasons. One of the reasons is that women nowadays value their skills and ability to be the breadwinners for the family. As a result, after being a mother, they also have their own independence to work. In addition, today, the rules of patriarchal society are being demolished, which helps both parents to take care of their child more openly. This not only supports the mental health of women but also encourages them that they can conquer the world even if they have a baby.
In conclusion, fathers taking more responsibility for a child is one of the things that are changing" title="Correction: things that are changing">things that is changing society in a very positive way. Thus, mothers are more open in work-life balance.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a mothers' preference | mothers' preference | Article misuse: 'a' is singular and cannot precede plural possessive 'mothers''. |
| a certain time of maternal or paternal leave | a certain period of maternal or paternal leave | 'Time' is uncountable; 'period' is more appropriate for a duration. |
| mostly men prefer | most men prefer | 'Mostly' is an adverb meaning 'mainly'; 'most' is the correct quantifier for nouns. |
| skills and ability | skills and abilities | Parallelism error: both nouns should be plural for consistency. |
| after being a mother, they | after becoming mothers, they | Pronoun-antecedent agreement: 'they' is plural, so 'mothers' should be plural. |
| their child | their children | Number agreement: the essay refers to children in plural elsewhere for consistency. |
| encourages them that | encourages them by showing that | Verb complement error: 'encourage' is typically followed by an infinitive or a prepositional phrase, not a direct 'that' clause. |
| things that is changing | things that are changing | Subject-verb agreement in relative clause: 'that' refers to plural 'things', so 'are' should be used. |
| more open in work-life balance | more open to work-life balance | Preposition error: 'open to' is the correct collocation, not 'open in'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| so as to | in order to | 'In order to' is more standard and formal in academic writing. |
| a certain time | a specific period | 'Certain time' is vague; 'specific period' is more precise. |
| demolished | dismantled | 'Demolished' is typically used for physical structures; 'dismantled' is better for abstract systems like societal rules. |
| conquer the world | achieve their goals | 'Conquer the world' is informal and hyperbolic; 'achieve their goals' is more academic and appropriate. |
| things | factors | 'Things' is vague and informal; 'factors' is more precise in academic context. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay covers the causes and expresses an opinion that the trend is good, but the ideas are not fully extended. Causes are mentioned briefly without detailed examples or exploration.
Examples
Causes given include societal equality and work-from-home opportunities, but these are not elaborated. The opinion is stated but supported with general statements like 'supports the mental health of women' without specific evidence.
How to Improve
Develop each cause with concrete examples (e.g., changes in parental leave policies, economic factors). Provide detailed reasons why the trend is beneficial, such as impacts on child development or gender equality.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow between ideas is sometimes abrupt, and cohesive devices are basic.
Examples
Transitions like 'To start' and 'In addition' are used, but the connection between societal equality and work-from-home in the first body paragraph is weak. The conclusion is brief and repetitive.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'on the other hand') to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress smoothly.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for communication but lacks variety and precision. Some words are repeated, and there are minor inaccuracies.
Examples
Repetition of 'take care of their child'; 'demolished' for patriarchal society rules is overly strong; 'a mothers' preference' has an article error. Phrases like 'breadwinners' are appropriate but not consistently used.
How to Improve
Use synonyms (e.g., 'care for', 'nurture', 'supervise') to avoid repetition. Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'gender roles', 'childcare responsibilities'). Review word choice for accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but errors in grammar and punctuation occasionally hinder clarity.
Examples
Incorrect article in 'a mothers' preference'; awkward structure in 'encourages them that they can conquer the world'; vague phrasing like 'a certain time of maternal or paternal leave'. Sentence boundaries could be improved.
How to Improve
Practice using articles correctly and ensure subject-verb agreement. Work on complex sentence structures with appropriate conjunctions. Proofread for grammatical errors and clarity.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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