This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the trend of fathers staying home to care for children. While it identifies basic causes, feedback highlights the need for smoother transitions and more grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Parental Roles · 40 min
Nowadays, more fathers stay home and look after their children while mothers go to work. What are the possible causes of this? Do you think it is a good or a bad trend?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the given topic, providing potential causes for the trend of more fathers staying home and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the causes and implications more thoroughly. The essay meets the word count requirement.
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In present days, mothers are seen to be taking the family responsibilities more than fathers. It's because women of this era wants freedom or maybe they have a high earning professions which is not a bad thing.
Women of this generation wants to be independent and get the freedom of doing whatever they want. They want to earn for themselves without having to depend upon the men. For example, looking at the past days, mothers used to stay home, look after their children and do all the house chores. With all these busy schedule, they would not have enough time for themselves. They need to be financially dependent with their husbands if they want to purchase anything. Their thoughts slowly started to evolve and they wanted to take over the family responsibilities that benefits them with the freedom which is the best thing for them.
Women of this generation are very educated and have a relatively high skills. With the high education and great skills, comes an excellent paid jobs. Nowadays, we can see many women with very high professions with an excellent salary. For instance, many celebrities like Rihanna, Kylie Jenner, they have great skills and their own businesses from which they could earn more than enough to provide for their children and families. So it's no a bad thing if fathers stay home and look after children if mothers could provide more.
It is totally okay if mothers are more skilled and wants to take a lead to provide for their families but it doesn't mean fathers need to be grounded. Both should uplift eachother and work together for their children and themselves.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| wants freedom | want freedom | Subject-verb agreement: 'women' is plural and requires 'want' |
| Women of this generation wants | Women of this generation want | Subject-verb agreement: 'Women' is plural and requires 'want' |
| with all these busy schedule | with all this busy schedule | Article mismatch: 'schedule' is singular and requires 'this' |
| need to be financially dependent with | need to be financially dependent on | Wrong preposition: 'dependent' is followed by 'on' |
| high skills | high skill | Quantifier mismatch: 'skill' is an uncountable noun and does not require 'high' |
| an excellent paid jobs | excellent well-paid jobs | Article misuse and adjective order: Remove 'an' for plural and use 'well-paid' |
| it's no a bad thing | it's not a bad thing | Incorrect negation: 'no' should be replaced with 'not' |
| wants to take a lead | want to take the lead | Verb form agreement and article correction: 'want' for plural and 'the' corrects the phrase |
| uplift eachother | uplift each other | Spelling: 'each other' should be two separate words |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| present days | current times | More formal and accurate term to indicate the present |
| great skills | exceptional skills | More precise adjective for high-level proficiency |
| it's not a bad thing | it is beneficial | 'Beneficial' is more precise and positive to convey advantage |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay offers an appropriate response to the task, identifying possible causes and providing an opinion on whether the trend is positive.
Examples
The essay mentions women's desire for independence and their potential for high earnings as causes.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay should delve more into reasons why this trend is increasing and offer a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Examples
The transition from discussing women's independence to specific examples like Rihanna and Kylie Jenner is abrupt.
How to Improve
To enhance coherence, ensure smooth transitions between different sections and points, possibly by using linking words.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is a repetition of certain words, and the essay lacks more varied and sophisticated expressions.
Examples
Words like 'freedom' and 'provide' are repeated multiple times.
How to Improve
To improve, incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with more precise and varied word choices.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay has several grammatical errors, impacting clarity. Sentence structures tend to be simple, and occasionally there is subject-verb agreement issue.
Examples
Errors such as 'women of this generation wants' should be 'women of this generation want'.
How to Improve
Improve grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement and incorporating a wider range of sentence structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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