This Band 6 IELTS writing task 2 essay discusses the impact of media violence on youth behavior. While it addresses the task requirements, clarity and cohesion issues hinder the overall effectiveness of the argument. By expanding on key points and improving transitions, you can enhance your writing and achieve a better score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (318 words) and addresses both parts of the prompt by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, arguments are underdeveloped with limited examples, and there are issues with vocabulary accuracy and grammatical errors that affect clarity. The structure is clear but could be improved with better cohesion and elaboration.
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I fully agree that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies is a contributing factor in the behaviour of our young people and tend to raise the level of violence in our society. There are several movies that portray different levels of violence. Reports have been seen in the media where young people emulate characters in movies and perpetrate violence in real life. Serious steps must be taken in the present and future to ensure that cases of violence reduce significantly.
Young people are easily influenced by what they watch. When they consume content containing violence, they usually would want to emulate the characters in that content. This is mainly because the characters involved in violence are often given heroic attributes. Despite some movies displaying disclaimers that what is shown should not be attempted in real life, young people always shun these warnings.
As more movies include incidents of violence, young people will always be tempted to embody the characters involved. Several steps can be taken to reduce the consumption and subsequent implosion of violence.
First, broadcasters should embrace production of movies and television shows that do not involve violence. This will ensure that content that promotes violence are phased out of streaming platforms. As these type of movies disappear, there would be little to no access to platforms promoting violence.
There should be sensitization of young people to the dangers involved with violence. Most young people have little knowledge of the implications
violence has on their present and future lives. Mainstream media and broadcasters should be tasked with the core mandate of educating young people about the consequences of violence on society.
The fact that most people believe the quantity of violence seen on television shows and movies influences the behaviour of our young people has been backed by facts and statistics. Therefore, urgent steps should be taken in the present to lessen violence.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| tend to raise | tends to raise | Subject-verb agreement: 'the quantity' is singular and requires 'tends' |
| content that promotes violence are phased out | content that promotes violence is phased out | Subject-verb agreement: 'content' is uncountable and singular, requiring 'is' |
| these type of movies | these types of movies | Noun number agreement: 'these' is plural, so 'types' should be plural to match |
| the implications violence has | the implications that violence has | Missing relative pronoun; 'that' is needed to introduce the clause modifying 'implications' |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| implosion of violence | incidence of violence | Wrong word choice; 'implosion' refers to a collapse inward, while 'incidence' means the occurrence or rate of occurrence |
| shun these warnings | ignore these warnings | Informal or less precise; 'shun' implies deliberate avoidance, while 'ignore' is more common for disregarding warnings |
| embody the characters | imitate the characters | Incorrect collocation; 'embody' means to represent or exemplify, whereas 'imitate' is more appropriate for copying behavior |
| consumption of violence | exposure to violence | Vague terminology; 'consumption' is typically used for goods, while 'exposure' is standard in media effects research |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The response is relevant and covers both parts of the task, but ideas are not fully extended. The agreement is clear, yet arguments rely on general statements without specific evidence or exploration of counterarguments.
Examples
Mentions 'reports have been seen in the media' and 'disclaimers' but lacks concrete data, studies, or detailed examples to support claims. Steps suggested (e.g., broadcasters producing non-violent content, sensitization) are appropriate but briefly explained.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific examples, such as citing research on media effects, and consider opposing views to strengthen the argument. Elaborate on how the steps can be implemented practically.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion between ideas is sometimes weak, and paragraph transitions could be smoother.
Examples
The shift from discussing influence to steps with 'Several steps can be taken' is abrupt. Paragraphs are organized but lack internal cohesion, e.g., the second paragraph jumps from influence to disclaimers without clear linking.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' 'As a result') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that sentences flow logically within it.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but repetitive and occasionally inaccurate. There is some attempt at less common words, but errors reduce effectiveness.
Examples
Incorrect use of 'implosion' instead of 'imitation' or 'perpetration'; repetition of 'violence' and 'young people' without synonyms. 'Sensitization' is appropriately used, but overall lexical range is limited.
How to Improve
Incorporate synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents,' 'aggression,' 'depictions') and avoid inaccurate terms. Practice using more precise academic vocabulary related to media and social behavior.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
Grammar is generally accurate with simple and some complex structures, but errors in subject-verb agreement and word form are noticeable.
Examples
'tend to raise' should be 'tends to raise'; 'content that promotes violence are' should be 'is'; 'these type of movies' should be 'these types of movies.' Sentence structures are mostly simple, limiting range.
How to Improve
Review subject-verb agreement and noun-verb consistency. Practice using a variety of complex sentences (e.g., conditional, relative clauses) and proofread to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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