In this Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay, the topic of media violence and its impact on youth is examined. Feedback highlights issues with clarity and the development of ideas, including vague references to research and awkward sentences. Discover how to enhance your writing strategy in this challenging area.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task appropriately by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are noticeable errors in vocabulary and grammar that affect clarity. The essay meets the minimum word requirement with approximately 304 words.
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It is often argued that the violence seen on media huge impact" title="Correction: has a huge impact">has huge impact on young people's behaviour. While some people believe that they there is no negative effect on young generation regarding this matter, I truely content that volience expressed on television has major impact on people and therefore should be regulated.
One of the main reasons I support this view is that it is already proven in many researches. According to the most recent research by Dr. James, it is determined that the people who were constantly exposed to media violence has more anger management issues by 30%. Dr. James also explained in his research that especially for young people, the violence seen on television and in movies possibly trigger their inner impluse which leads to mental unstability. With mental those mental issues, it is difficult to act rational hence it leads to higher level of violence in our society.
To prevent this issue, we have to regulate young people from watching too many videos that contain abusing scenes. Right now we have laws regarding this matter, however, it is not enough. The government should strengthen the laws so that no more young people get influenced by it. Moreover, Young generation experience severe level of violence too early and too frequently and they get used to it. In order to reduce the violence, it is crucial to make classes explaining how bad violence is and what the consequenses are. Additionally, making classes for student's well-being is a key to lessen violence. Through clear communications, we can respect each one of them and prevent such issues.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the violence displayed in any type of media has negatively influence numerous young people and this is something that we should work on.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| truely | truly |
| volience | violence |
| impluse | impulse |
| unstability | instability |
| consequenses | consequences |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| has huge impact | has a huge impact | Article missing: 'a' is needed before 'huge impact' |
| they there is no negative effect | there is no negative effect | Redundant pronoun: 'they' should be removed |
| in many researches | in much research | Uncountable noun: 'research' is uncountable; use 'much research' or 'many studies' |
| the people who were constantly exposed to media violence has more anger management issues | the people who were constantly exposed to media violence have more anger management issues | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'have' |
| the violence seen on television and in movies possibly trigger | the violence seen on television and in movies possibly triggers | Subject-verb agreement: 'violence' is singular and requires 'triggers' |
| With mental those mental issues | With those mental issues | Awkward phrasing: remove 'mental' for clarity |
| act rational | act rationally | Adverb required: 'rationally' modifies 'act' |
| regulate young people from watching | restrict young people from watching | Collocation error: 'regulate' is not typically used with 'from'; 'restrict from' is more appropriate |
| Right now we have laws regarding this matter, however, it is not enough. | Right now, we have laws regarding this matter; however, they are not enough. | Comma splice and pronoun agreement: use semicolon before 'however' and 'they' to refer to 'laws' |
| Young generation experience | The young generation experiences | Article missing and subject-verb agreement: 'the' before 'young generation' and 'experiences' for singular subject |
| has negatively influence | has negatively influenced | Verb form error: after 'has', use past participle 'influenced' |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| content | contend | Word choice: 'content' is incorrect in this context; 'contend' means to assert or argue |
| huge impact | significant impact | More academic alternative: 'significant' is preferred over 'huge' in formal writing |
| abusing scenes | violent scenes | Word form: 'abusing' is not typically used as an adjective; 'violent' or 'abusive' is more appropriate |
| get influenced | are influenced | Informal verb: 'get' is informal; use 'are' for passive voice |
| severe level of violence | high levels of violence | Collocation: 'high levels of violence' is more common than 'severe level' |
| get used to it | become desensitized to it | Informal and vague: 'become desensitized' is more precise for this context |
| lessen violence | reduce violence | Word choice: 'reduce' is more commonly used in academic writing |
| clear communications | effective communication | Word choice: 'effective communication' is more standard and precise |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response is relevant and covers both parts of the question: the extent of agreement and steps to lessen violence. The position is clear, but the arguments are not fully extended. The use of research evidence is vague and lacks detail.
Examples
The reference to 'Dr. James' and the statistic '30% more anger management issues' is presented without context or citation, reducing its effectiveness.
How to Improve
Develop ideas more thoroughly by providing specific, credible examples and exploring counter-arguments. Ensure that each point is well-explained and supported with clear evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed, affecting the flow.
Examples
Phrases like 'With mental those mental issues' disrupt coherence. However, linking words such as 'Moreover' and 'Additionally' help connect ideas.
How to Improve
Work on sentence clarity and use a wider range of cohesive devices. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas progress smoothly.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss the topic, but there are several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices that hinder precision.
Examples
Misspellings: 'truely' for 'truly', 'volience' for 'violence', 'impluse' for 'impulse', 'unstability' for 'instability', 'consequenses' for 'consequences'. Also, 'content' is incorrectly used instead of 'contend' or 'believe'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to the topic and practice accurate spelling. Use a dictionary or spell-check tools. Aim for more precise and varied word choices.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a mix of sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting accuracy and meaning.
Examples
Errors include subject-verb agreement ('the people... has more' should be 'have more'), incorrect word forms ('act rational' should be 'act rationally'), and tense issues ('has negatively influence' should be 'negatively influences' or 'has a negative influence').
How to Improve
Focus on grammatical accuracy, especially in verb agreements, word forms, and sentence construction. Practice writing complex sentences correctly and proofread to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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