This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the impact of violence in media on youth behavior and suggests mitigation strategies. However, it suffers from clarity and cohesion issues, which are essential for effective communication. Improve your understanding of these concepts to enhance your own writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the 250-word requirement (274 words) and addresses both parts of the prompt: it agrees that media violence influences youth behaviour and proposes steps to reduce violence. However, the response lacks depth; the agreement is stated but not fully explored, and the reasons are underdeveloped. The organisation is clear but cohesion is weak, and there are noticeable lexical and grammatical errors that affect clarity. Overall, this is typical of a Band 6 performance.
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Nowadays, most people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies affects the behavior of our youngsters and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. Personally, I strongly agree with this viewpoint and propose reason in this essay.
The most compelling reason for effect of violence video is that young people can imitate aggressive behavior. However, it is important to note that media influence is only one aspect of a complex social problem. Factors such as family environment, peer pressure, educational opportunities, and socioeconomic status also significantly contribute to youth violence. Furthermore, young people want to try all new things and some of them think violence in movies are normal. In addition, the quantity of violenece may harm their mental health, especially teenagers. Some students are more interestesd in brutal movie rather than studies.
To reduce these effects, media producers should be encouraged or regulated to produce content with appropriate violence ratings, especially for content targeted at children and teenagers. Parental supervision is also crucial; parents should monitor and limit their children’s screen time, discuss content with them, and promote non-violent values. Schools can implement educational programs that teach emotional regulation, and the importance of non-violent communication. Furthermore, governments and organizations should promote campaigns highlighting the adverse effects of violent media and encourage the production of more positive, educational, and inspiring content. Supporting community-based initiatives that offer young people constructive activities and mentorship can also reduce their susceptibility to negative influences.
To sum up, while violent media may influence the youth behavior, parental management, school's supervision, and government promotion are also essential to mitigate these effects.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| violenece | violence |
| interestesd | interested |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| propose reason | propose reasons | Plural needed as the essay outlines multiple reasons |
| think violence in movies are normal | think violence in movies is normal | Subject-verb agreement: 'violence' is singular, so verb should be 'is' |
| the youth behavior | youth behavior | Unnecessary article 'the'; 'youth behavior' is a general concept |
| school's supervision | school supervision | Possessive form is awkward; use 'school supervision' as a noun phrase parallel to 'parental management' |
| especially teenagers | especially among teenagers | Preposition 'among' needed to clarify the group being referred to |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| violence video | violent videos | Not a standard phrase; use 'violent videos' or 'violence in videos' |
| all new things | new experiences | Informal and vague; 'new experiences' is more precise and academic |
| brutal movie | violent movies | More standard term and plural form needed; 'violent' is appropriate in this context |
| studies | their studies | Adding 'their' makes the reference clear and more natural |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay directly addresses the question, stating strong agreement and suggesting measures. However, the argument is superficial: the second paragraph touches on imitation and mental health but fails to develop a coherent line of reasoning, and the third paragraph lists steps without critical analysis. The conclusion merely restates the points. A more thorough discussion of the extent of agreement and nuanced evaluation of the steps would improve this criterion.
Examples
The writer says 'the most compelling reason is that young people can imitate aggressive behavior' but then immediately shifts to other factors without explaining how media violence specifically contributes. The steps (parental supervision, school programs, government campaigns) are relevant but not linked to the earlier argument.
How to Improve
To improve, provide a clearer thesis in the introduction (e.g., 'I largely agree, but media is only one factor'), then dedicate a paragraph to developing one or two reasons with specific examples or evidence. For the steps, explain why each measure is effective and how it directly counters the influence of violent media.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear overall structure (introduction, body paragraph 1, body paragraph 2, conclusion) and uses some linking words ('However', 'Furthermore', 'To sum up'). However, within paragraphs the flow is disrupted; for instance, the second paragraph jumps from imitation to other factors to youth curiosity without smooth transitions. The connection between ideas is often unclear.
Examples
The phrase 'The most compelling reason for effect of violence video is that...' is awkwardly constructed and does not lead logically to the next sentence. The list of steps in the third paragraph uses some repetition ('also') but lacks cohesive devices to show relationships.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea, then connect sentences with clear reference and conjunctions (e.g., 'In addition to imitation, media violence can also...'). Avoid abrupt shifts; ensure each sentence follows logically from the previous one. Consider using signposting like 'The first step is...', 'Another important measure is...'.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but limited in range and precision. There are noticeable spelling errors ('violenece', 'interestesd', 'brutal movie') and inappropriate collocations ('propose reason', 'raise the level of violence' is slightly wordy). The writer relies on basic terms ('youngsters', 'normal', 'good') and does not demonstrate a wide lexical repertoire.
Examples
'Brutal movie' is not a natural collocation; 'violent film' is better. 'Quantity of violence' is fine, but 'amount of exposure to violent content' would be more precise. The phrase 'propose reason' should be 'present reasons' or 'provide reasons'. Repetition of 'violence' throughout reduces lexical variety.
How to Improve
Learn synonyms for key terms (e.g., 'violence' → 'aggression', 'brutality', 'harmful behaviour') and practice using them accurately. Focus on common collocations (e.g., 'influence behaviour', 'contribute to violence', 'regulate content'). Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling mistakes. Read model essays to see how advanced vocabulary is used naturally.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay shows a mix of simple and compound sentences but contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Articles are often missing or misused ('effect of violence video', 'the quantity of violenece may harm their mental health'). Subject-verb agreement and tense control are inconsistent. Some sentences are incomplete or awkwardly structured.
Examples
'The most compelling reason for effect of violence video is that...' should be 'The most compelling reason for the effect of violent videos is that...'. 'Some students are more interestesd in brutal movie rather than studies' needs articles and correct spelling: 'interested in brutal movies rather than in their studies'. 'Parents should monitor and limit their children’s screen time, discuss content with them, and promote non-violent values' is a good attempt at a parallel structure, but the overall range of structures is narrow.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: use of articles (a, an, the), plural nouns, and correct verb forms. Practice writing sentences with varied structures (conditional clauses, relative clauses, passive voice). After writing, proofread for common errors like subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'media influence is...' correct, but later 'the quantity... may harm' is okay). Use grammar-check tools or have a tutor review your drafts.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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