This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the impact of violence in movies on young people's behavior and suggests steps to reduce this influence. While it addresses both parts of the question, there are issues with the development of ideas and frequent grammatical errors that need to be improved for better clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (299 words) and addresses both parts of the question, presenting a clear agreement with the statement and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, the arguments are somewhat underdeveloped with general examples. Coherence is logical but with minor lapses in flow. Vocabulary is adequate but contains spelling errors. Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally hinder clarity.
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Movies are an integral part of recreational activity that people usually prefer. The situations depicted in the movie sometimes translates into the daily activities and shapes individual behaviour particulary that of young people. I am of the opinion that the level of violence shown in the movies has an implication on the actions of our young people and thus, encourages them to engage in violence.
The character or the scene in the movie sometimes goes beyond the screen and perculates into the individual behaviour whether good or bad. One concerning aspect of the movie is romanticizing the violence, which are done by the protagonist of the movie to save someone or to covercome a challenge. Because the level of violence, with or without weapons are depicted as an heroic act, it sends out a worng message to the audience particularly our younger lot, who then immitate these actions.They do not weigh the implications of violence, rather they are influenced to be seen more of a hero who fights with various tactics. Because violent scenes very often included in the movies, it has normalised this behaviour in the society, which inturn leads to more young people engaging in such acts.
Therefore, concious preacutions must be taken to lessen the violence. Firstly, it starts with educating our young audience, giving them media literacy and empower them to differentiate the good from the bad. Secondly, the movie makers must narrate the scenes responsibly and ensure that the movie is not promoting violence. Acts such as reporting to the police or rightful authority must be encouraged through the scenes rather than promoting violence as an act courage or pride.
Overall, the movies does have an implication on our behaviour and that it must not promote violence, instead encourage a peaceful and harmonious society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| particulary | particularly |
| perculates | permeates |
| covercome | overcome |
| worng | wrong |
| immitate | imitate |
| concious | conscious |
| preacutions | precautions |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| translates into | translate into | Subject-verb agreement: 'situations' is plural and requires 'translate' |
| which are done | which is done | 'Romanticizing the violence' is singular, so 'is' should be used |
| are depicted as an heroic | is depicted as a heroic | 'Level' is singular, requiring 'is'; 'a heroic' because 'heroic' starts with a consonant sound |
| Because violent scenes very often included | Because violent scenes are very often included | Missing auxiliary verb 'are' for passive voice |
| and empower them | and empowering them | Parallel structure error; should use gerund to match 'educating' and 'giving' |
| as an act courage | as an act of courage | Missing preposition 'of' after 'act' |
| movies does have | movies do have | Subject-verb agreement: 'movies' is plural, so 'do' not 'does' |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| implication on | impact on | 'Implication' is less direct; 'impact' is more appropriate for effects on behavior |
| perculates | permeates | 'Percolates' is less common in this context; 'permeates' means to spread throughout, fitting better |
| younger lot | young people | 'Lot' is informal; 'young people' is standard and formal |
| concious preacutions | conscious measures | 'Precautions' is correct, but 'conscious measures' is more idiomatic for deliberate actions |
| narrate the scenes | depict the scenes | 'Narrate' refers to telling a story; for visual media, 'depict' is more accurate |
| rightful authority | proper authorities | 'Authority' is often pluralized, and 'proper' is more commonly used than 'rightful' in this context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay fully responds to the task by stating agreement and proposing solutions, but the development of ideas lacks depth and specific support.
Examples
The claim that violence in movies 'romanticizes' violence and leads to imitation is made, but no concrete examples from studies or real-life cases are provided. The steps suggested (media literacy, responsible filmmaking) are relevant but briefly explained.
How to Improve
Expand on arguments with specific examples, such as referencing research on media effects or naming particular films. Elaborate on how violence in media translates to societal violence and provide more detail on the proposed steps.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with cohesion and transitional flow.
Examples
In the second paragraph, the shift from discussing romanticization of violence to normalization is somewhat abrupt. The pronoun 'They' in 'They do not weigh the implications...' lacks a clear antecedent, causing minor confusion.
How to Improve
Use more linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'for instance') to connect ideas smoothly. Ensure pronouns clearly refer to nouns (e.g., 'young people'). Consider separating points into distinct paragraphs for better organization.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but there are noticeable spelling errors and some repetition, limiting the range.
Examples
Misspellings: 'perculates' (should be 'permeates'), 'covercome' ('overcome'), 'worng' ('wrong'), 'immitate' ('imitate'), 'concious preacutions' ('conscious precautions'). Repetition of 'implication' and 'violence'.
How to Improve
Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms (e.g., 'impact' instead of 'implication') to enhance lexical variety. Practice using academic vocabulary accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use varied sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and affect accuracy and clarity.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement errors: 'movies does have' (should be 'do have'), 'level... are depicted' ('is depicted'). Article error: 'an heroic act' ('a heroic act'). Incorrect tense: 'violent scenes very often included' ('are very often included'). Run-on sentence: 'who then immitate these actions.They' (missing space after period).
How to Improve
Review subject-verb agreement rules, especially with singular/plural nouns. Practice using articles correctly (a/an/the). Work on constructing complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and punctuation to avoid errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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