This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the influence of violent media on youth behavior. The main feedback highlights limited development of ideas and cohesion issues, providing insights for improvement.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (251 words) and addresses both parts of the question, but the development of ideas is limited. The structure is clear, but cohesion could be enhanced. Vocabulary and grammar contain noticeable errors that occasionally affect clarity.
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The violent scenes shown in the movies and television affect the young peoples' behaviour. This inevitably leads to the increase of violence rates in our society.
I mostly agree with this statement.
Nowadays movies and television in general are tend to use more scenarios involving scences of violence, including assassination. "The Squid game" or "Game of Thrones" may serve as an example. Also, true crime genre is now more popular among young audiences than ever. I think that the huge number of shows alike leads to the violence tolerance. I am deeply concerned by the fact that the value of each persons' life is now lessen due to the influence of media. I strongly believe that the most part of young people are easily affected by media, because their mentality is more vulnerable and sensetive.
In order to prevent agression and lessen the violence rates in the society some steps may be taken. For example, media content censoring could be applied to the movie scenes that show inappropriate behaviour. Also, I think, that the age limitations for specific games should be set. Finally, the government should establish specific institution aimed to study the affection of violence shown on screen on the younger audiences.
In conclusion, I agree that the views of the youths can be changed under the influence of violent content shown on television and movies. Although I appreciate free will of each person to watch whatever they want, I think that content aimed for young people should be controlled.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| peoples' | people's |
| scences | scenes |
| sensetive | sensitive |
| agression | aggression |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| are tend to use | tend to use | Verb form error: 'are' should not be used with base form 'tend'; use 'tend' for present tense. |
| each persons' life is now lessen | each person's life is now lessened | Possessive error: 'persons'' should be 'person's' for singular possessive; verb error: 'lessen' should be 'lessened' as past participle. |
| the most part of young people | most young people | Incorrect phrase; use 'most' to mean the majority. |
| establish specific institution aimed to study | establish a specific institution aimed at studying | Article missing: 'institution' requires an article like 'a'; preposition error: 'aimed at' with gerund 'studying' for purpose. |
| aimed for | aimed at | Preposition error: 'aimed at' is the correct collocation for targeting. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| violence tolerance | tolerance of violence | Incorrect collocation; use 'tolerance of violence' for standard phrasing. |
| lessen | diminished | In context, 'diminished' is more precise and formal for reducing value or importance. |
| affection | effect | Wrong word choice; 'affection' means fondness, while 'effect' means influence or result. |
| censoring | censorship | Noun form 'censorship' is more appropriate than the gerund 'censoring' in this context. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position (mostly agreeing) and suggests steps to reduce violence, thus addressing the task. However, the arguments are underdeveloped, with examples not fully explained and steps listed without elaboration.
Examples
References to 'The Squid Game' and 'Game of Thrones' are made but not linked to specific behavioral effects. Proposed steps like 'media content censoring' and 'age limitations' are mentioned but lack detail on implementation or effectiveness.
How to Improve
Expand on each idea by explaining how media violence influences youth behavior (e.g., desensitization, imitation). Provide more detailed examples or evidence. Elaborate on the suggested steps with practical measures, such as rating systems or parental guidance programs.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesive devices are basic, and the flow between sentences and paragraphs is sometimes disjointed.
Examples
The first body paragraph introduces examples abruptly ('Also, true crime genre...') without smooth transitions. The second paragraph uses listing words ('For example', 'Also', 'Finally') but the connection to the main argument is weak. Paragraphs are short and could be better linked.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'consequently') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea. Improve transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but somewhat repetitive and includes spelling errors and imprecise word choices, limiting the range and accuracy.
Examples
Misspellings: 'sensetive' (correct: 'sensitive'), 'agression' (correct: 'aggression'). Inappropriate word choice: 'affection' likely intended as 'effect' or 'impact'. Repetition of words like 'violence' and 'media' without variation.
How to Improve
Use synonyms (e.g., 'aggression', 'hostility' for 'violence'; 'content', 'programming' for 'media'). Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Incorporate more precise vocabulary to express ideas, such as 'desensitization' instead of 'violence tolerance'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There are several grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complexity but inaccuracies in verb forms, articles, and punctuation.
Examples
Incorrect verb forms: 'are tend to use' (should be 'tend to use'), 'is now lessen' (should be 'is now lessened' or 'diminished'). Article errors: 'leads to the violence tolerance' (better: 'leads to tolerance of violence'). Punctuation: comma splice in 'easily affected by media, because...'. Phrasing issues: 'the most part of young people' (should be 'most young people' or 'the majority of young people').
How to Improve
Review verb tenses and forms, especially modal verbs and passives. Practice using articles (a, an, the) correctly. Work on constructing complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and punctuation. Proofread to identify and correct common errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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