Achieving a Band 7.5, this IELTS essay effectively discusses the influence of media violence on youth while addressing other contributing factors. Feedback highlights strengths in coherence and offers insights on enhancing vocabulary choice for better variety. With practical suggestions for improvement, this essay serves as a useful guide for IELTS candidates.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt, agreeing that media violence influences youth while acknowledging other factors, and proposing practical steps to reduce violence. It meets the 250-word requirement (273 words). The response is well-organized and clear, with a logical progression of ideas. Lexical range is adequate but could be more varied, and grammatical structures are generally accurate, though minor improvements in complexity and precision are possible.
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It is widely believed that the high level of violence portrayed in television programs and movies negatively influences young people and contributes to increased aggression in society. I largely agree with this view, although other factors also play a role. However, there are several practical steps that can be taken to reduce violence in the modern world.
Firstly, exposure to violent media can desensitize young viewers and normalize aggressive behaviour. When children repeatedly watch scenes of fighting, crime, or revenge, they may begin to perceive such actions as acceptable ways to solve problems. This is particularly concerning because young people are more impressionable and may imitate what they see on screen. For example, studies have shown that children who consume violent content are more likely to display aggressive tendencies in real life.
However, it is important to acknowledge that media is not the sole cause of violence. Family environment, peer influence, and socio-economic conditions also significantly affect behaviour. A child raised in a supportive and disciplined household is less likely to be negatively impacted by violent media compared to one who lacks guidance.
To reduce violence, several measures can be implemented. Governments should enforce stricter regulations on violent content and ensure appropriate age ratings are followed. Parents also have a crucial role in monitoring what their children watch and guiding them towards positive content. Additionally, schools can introduce programs that teach conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, and empathy.
In conclusion, while media violence does contribute to aggressive behaviour among youth, it is only one of several influencing factors. A combined effort from authorities, parents, and educators is essential to effectively reduce violence in society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7.5
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses both parts of the question: it states a clear position (largely agree) and discusses influencing factors, then suggests measures (government regulation, parental monitoring, school programs). The arguments are relevant and developed.
Examples
The writer acknowledges 'media is not the sole cause' and lists other factors (family, peers, socio-economic conditions), then proposes specific steps like 'stricter regulations' and 'conflict resolution programs'.
How to Improve
To enhance task response, the essay could discuss the extent of agreement more precisely (e.g., which age groups are most affected) and provide a few more concrete examples of successful measures already in place.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that separate the main argument, counterpoint, and solutions, followed by a conclusion. Transitional phrases (Firstly, However, Additionally, In conclusion) aid coherence.
Examples
The shift from agreement to 'However, it is important to acknowledge...' shows good cohesion. Paragraphs are unified around single ideas.
How to Improve
For a higher score, consider using more varied linking devices (e.g., 'Turning to potential solutions', 'On the other hand') and ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly connects to the overall argument.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
The vocabulary is appropriate and precise for the topic, with terms like 'desensitize', 'normalize aggressive behaviour', 'impressionable', 'conflict resolution', and 'emotional intelligence'. There is some repetition (e.g., 'violence' used frequently).
Examples
'exposure to violent media can desensitize young viewers' and 'appropriate age ratings are followed' show good lexical choice.
How to Improve
To improve, introduce synonyms for 'violence' (e.g., 'aggression', 'hostility', 'brutality') and vary phrases like 'young people' (adolescents, minors, the youth). Also use more advanced collocations (e.g., 'mitigate the impact', 'curb aggressive tendencies').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, with accurate subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Structures such as conditional clauses ('if... may') and relative clauses ('children who consume') are present. There are no significant errors.
Examples
'When children repeatedly watch scenes of fighting... they may begin to perceive such actions as acceptable' is grammatically correct and clear. 'A child raised in a supportive household is less likely to be negatively impacted' demonstrates accuracy.
How to Improve
To reach a higher band, incorporate more complex structures (e.g., inversion, cleft sentences, or non-finite clauses). For instance, 'Not only does media violence desensitize viewers, but it also normalizes aggression.' Ensure variety in sentence openings.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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