This Band 7 IELTS essay addresses the influence of media violence on youth behavior effectively. While it presents a clear perspective and practical solutions, incorporating more nuanced arguments and a wider vocabulary could enhance its quality further.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the required word count (291 words) and fully addresses both parts of the prompt: it presents a clear position (largely agree but not the sole cause) and provides practical steps to reduce violence. The argument is well-developed, but could benefit from deeper analysis of counterarguments or more specific examples. Coherence is maintained with logical paragraphing and clear topic sentences, though transitions could be smoother. Lexical resource is adequate with some good collocations (e.g., 'desensitize', 'age-appropriate'), but lacks range of higher-level vocabulary. Grammar is largely accurate with a mix of simple and complex structures, but minor errors and lack of variety prevent a higher score.
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The idea that violent content in television and movies contributes to aggressive behavior among young people is widely debated. I largely agree that exposure to such content can influence behavior, although it is not the sole cause of violence in society. Other social, psychological, and environmental factors also play significant roles.
On one hand, repeated exposure to violence in media can desensitize young viewers. When violence is portrayed as entertaining or without consequences, it may normalize aggressive behavior. Young people, especially children and teenagers, are still developing their sense of right and wrong, and they may imitate what they see on screen. For instance, characters who use violence to solve problems are often glorified, which can create the impression that aggression is acceptable or even admirable.
However, it is important to recognize that media is only one factor among many. Family environment, education, peer influence, and mental health conditions also strongly affect behavior. Many young people watch violent movies or shows without becoming aggressive, which suggests that individual differences and upbringing are equally important.
To reduce violence in society, several steps can be taken. First, parents should monitor and guide their children’s media consumption, ensuring that content is age-appropriate. Second, schools can play a role by teaching critical thinking and emotional intelligence, helping students understand the difference between fiction and reality. Third, governments and media organizations can enforce stricter content regulations, such as rating systems and warnings for violent material. Finally, promoting positive and educational content can provide healthier role models for young audiences.
In conclusion, while media violence can influence young people’s behavior to some extent, it is not the only cause of societal violence. A combined effort from families, schools, and authorities is necessary to address this issue effectively.
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Task Response7
Evaluation
The response clearly addresses all parts of the task: it states the writer's agreement with the link between media violence and youth behavior, acknowledges other factors, and proposes several steps to lessen violence. The argument is relevant and well-supported, though the discussion could be more nuanced—for instance, by exploring opposing views in more depth or providing concrete examples of research or case studies.
Examples
The essay mentions 'repeated exposure can desensitize' and gives the example of 'characters who use violence to solve problems are often glorified'. Steps include parental monitoring, school education, stricter regulations, and promoting positive content.
How to Improve
To improve, include specific studies or statistics to strengthen claims, and consider addressing potential counterarguments (e.g., many people watch violence without becoming aggressive). Further develop the second part by discussing how these steps might be implemented practically.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs for the argument, a paragraph on solutions, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear central idea. Cohesive devices such as 'on one hand', 'however', 'first', 'second', 'third', 'finally', and 'in conclusion' are used effectively, though some transitions feel slightly mechanical.
Examples
The transition from 'on one hand' to 'however' clearly marks the shift from agreeing with the influence to acknowledging other factors. The solutions paragraph uses sequential markers ('first', 'second', 'third') for clarity.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of linking phrases (e.g., 'in contrast', 'moreover', 'consequently') and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Avoid over-reliance on simple listing in the solutions section; try to integrate ideas with cause-effect or comparative structures.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
The vocabulary is appropriate and sufficient for the task, with some good formal and topic-specific words (e.g., 'desensitize', 'normalize', 'glorified', 'regulations'). However, the range is limited; there is repetition of basic terms like 'violence', 'young people', and 'behavior'. No idiomatic language or sophisticated collocations are used, which prevents a higher score.
Examples
Useful phrases include 'repeated exposure', 'portrayed as entertaining', 'age-appropriate', and 'critical thinking'. However, 'young people' appears four times, and 'violence' is repeated frequently.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by using synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents', 'youth', 'aggressive conduct', 'brutality', 'screen content') and incorporating more precise or academic expressions (e.g., 'mitigate', 'exacerbate', 'cultivate empathy'). Practice paraphrasing to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The grammar is generally accurate with correct subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence boundaries. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences (e.g., 'Young people, especially children and teenagers, are still developing...'). However, sentence structures are often similar, and there are minor errors (e.g., 'influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises' – the prompt phrasing is partly copied; also 'the quantity of violence' is a slight awkwardness). No major errors, but lack of variety in clause types.
Examples
Good complex sentence: 'When violence is portrayed as entertaining or without consequences, it may normalize aggressive behavior.' Another example: 'Many young people watch violent movies or shows without becoming aggressive, which suggests that individual differences and upbringing are equally important.'
How to Improve
To achieve a higher score, vary sentence openings more (e.g., use participial phrases, conditional clauses, or inversions). Avoid direct copying from the prompt. Practice using a broader range of structures such as relative clauses, passive voice for formality, and conditional sentences to discuss hypotheticals.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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