In this band 7 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay, the topic of media violence is explored. While the response effectively addresses the prompt, improving coherence and providing more elaborate examples could elevate the quality further.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt with relevant examples and a logical conclusion. Though the response achieves the required word count at 250 words, further elaboration and examples could enhance depth. The essay is generally cohesive, but transitions could be improved for smoother flow. Lexical resources are adequate but could benefit from more varied vocabulary. Grammar is accurate, with some room for using more complex structures.
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Many people believe that violence shown on television and in movies has a harmful effect on young people and increases violence in society. I agree with this statement to a large extent because children and teenagers are easily influenced by what they watch.
Firstly, young people often imitate the behaviour of famous actors and characters they admire. When violent actions are presented as exciting or heroic, viewers may begin to think that aggression is acceptable. For example, some teenagers copy fighting scenes or aggressive languages from television programmes. In addition, constant exposure to violent content can make people less sensitive to the pain of others, which may lead to more aggressive behaviour in daily life.
However, media violence is not the only reason for crime and aggression. Other factors such as poor parenting, lack of education, peer pressure, and social problems also contribute to violence in society. Therefore, television and movies should not be blamed entirely, although they certainly play an important role.
Several steps can be taken to reduce violence today. Governments should introduce stricter rules on violent content and ensure that age restrictions are followed properly. Parents should also monitor what their children watch and encourage them to spend more time on educational and creative activities. Furthermore, schools can teach students values such as empathy, self-control, and peaceful conflict resolution.
In conclusion, I believe that violence in the media has a strong influence on young people, but with proper guidance and regulation, its negative effects can be reduced.
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Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay addresses both parts of the question: agreeing with the influence of media violence on young people and suggesting steps to reduce violence.
Examples
The writer mentions imitation of actors and desensitization due to violence exposure. Solutions proposed include government regulation and parental monitoring.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen arguments, such as specific studies or statistics.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs. However, the logical progression of ideas can be improved with more explicit connections.
Examples
The essay follows a clear structure: agreeing with media influence, acknowledging other factors, and proposing solutions.
How to Improve
Use more transitional phrases to ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
The writer uses a sufficient range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Some vocabulary is repeated, which can reduce the overall impact.
Examples
Terms like 'imitate', 'desensitization', and 'aggressive behavior' are effectively used.
How to Improve
Incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider lexical range.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The grammar is accurate with a good range of sentence structures, though primarily simple and compound sentences.
Examples
The essay includes complex sentences, demonstrating reasonable control over grammatical accuracy.
How to Improve
Experiment with more varied and sophisticated sentence structures to enhance grammatical range and interest.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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