Band 7 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay on Media Violence: Coherence and Elaboration Feedback
Sample Answer with Feedback

Many people believe that violence shown on television and in movies has a harmful effect on young people and increases violence in society. I agree with this statement to a large extent because children and teenagers are easily influenced by what they watch.

Firstly, young people often imitate the behaviour of famous actors and characters they admire. When violent actions are presented as exciting or heroic, viewers may begin to think that aggression is acceptable. For example, some teenagers copy fighting scenes or aggressive languages from television programmes. In addition, constant exposure to violent content can make people less sensitive to the pain of others, which may lead to more aggressive behaviour in daily life.

However, media violence is not the only reason for crime and aggression. Other factors such as poor parenting, lack of education, peer pressure, and social problems also contribute to violence in society. Therefore, television and movies should not be blamed entirely, although they certainly play an important role.

Several steps can be taken to reduce violence today. Governments should introduce stricter rules on violent content and ensure that age restrictions are followed properly. Parents should also monitor what their children watch and encourage them to spend more time on educational and creative activities. Furthermore, schools can teach students values such as empathy, self-control, and peaceful conflict resolution.

In conclusion, I believe that violence in the media has a strong influence on young people, but with proper guidance and regulation, its negative effects can be reduced.

  Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

       To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

       Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

       In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.