Achieving a Band 7 in IELTS Writing Task 2 requires strong development of ideas, especially on complex topics like media violence. This essay successfully addresses the prompt but could enhance its depth by incorporating specific examples and exploring arguments more fully. Discover how to improve your own essay with a focus on content richness and clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (288 words) and fully addresses all parts of the prompt. It presents a clear position, discusses causes and solutions, and is well-organized with relevant ideas. However, the development of ideas, while adequate, could be more in-depth to achieve a higher band score.
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It is often argued that the increasing amount of violence portrayed on television and in films has a direct impact on young people’s behaviour, ultimately leading to higher levels of violence in society. I largely agree with this view, although other contributing factors should also be considered. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this issue and suggest possible solutions to reduce violence.
To begin with, exposure" title="Correction: To begin with, exposure">To begin with exposure to violent media can significantly influence young minds. Children and teenagers are particularly impressionable, and they may imitate aggressive behaviour they see on screen. For instance, action movies and crime dramas often glorify violence, presenting it as an effective way to solve problems. As a result, young viewers may develop the belief that aggression is acceptable or even admirable. Moreover, it is important to recognise that media is not the sole cause of violent behaviour. Factors such as family environment, education, peer influence, and social conditions also play a crucial role. For example, children raised in unstable households or exposed to real-life violence are more likely to exhibit aggressive tendencies.
To address this issue, several measures can be taken. Firstly, governments should enforce stricter regulations on violent content, particularly during hours when young people are likely to watch television. Secondly, parents should monitor and guide their children’s media consumption, encouraging them to watch educational and positive programmes. Additionally, schools can play an important role by teaching students about the negative effects of violence and promoting values such as empathy and conflict resolution.
In conclusion, although violent media does influence young people and can contribute to increased aggression, it is not the only factor involved. A combination of stricter regulations, parental supervision, and education is essential to effectively reduce violence in society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| To begin with exposure | To begin with, exposure | Missing comma after introductory phrase |
Vocabulary Improvements
1 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| To begin with | Firstly, | Slightly informal for academic writing; 'Firstly' is more standard and precise |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The candidate responds to all parts of the task. A clear position is presented (largely agree) and supported with relevant ideas about media influence and other factors. Solutions are proposed. The development is sufficient but could be extended with more specific examples or further exploration of the extent of agreement.
Examples
The essay states: 'I largely agree with this view, although other contributing factors should also be considered.' It then discusses media influence and other factors like family environment. Solutions include government regulations, parental guidance, and school education.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more specific, real-world examples to illustrate the impact of media violence. Also, elaborate more on the 'extent' of agreement by weighing the relative importance of media versus other factors. Ensure each paragraph fully develops a single main idea with detailed explanation.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Paragraphing is appropriate, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. However, some connections between sentences could be smoother, and the progression of ideas within paragraphs is occasionally basic.
Examples
Effective use of paragraph topics: one paragraph on causes, another on solutions. Cohesive devices: 'To begin with', 'For instance', 'Moreover', 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Additionally', 'In conclusion'. The linking word 'Moreover' successfully adds a related point about other factors.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and discourse markers (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In contrast'). Ensure topic sentences clearly signal the paragraph's focus, and use linking phrases to connect sentences within paragraphs more seamlessly (e.g., 'This is because...', 'As a result of this...').
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient and generally accurate, with some less common items used appropriately. There is no significant repetition, and word choice fits the topic. However, the range is not particularly wide or sophisticated, and there is some room for more precise and varied lexical items.
Examples
Appropriate vocabulary: 'portrayed', 'impressionable', 'glorify', 'admirable', 'unstable households', 'aggressive tendencies', 'regulations', 'monitor', 'consumption', 'empathy', 'conflict resolution'.
How to Improve
Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'desensitization', 'aggression', 'censorship', 'media literacy'). Use more collocations and idiomatic expressions naturally. Avoid slightly generic phrases like 'play a crucial role' by being more specific (e.g., 'are primary determinants').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used with good control. Grammar and punctuation are generally accurate, with only minor errors. Sentences are mostly error-free, but there is limited use of a full range of complex structures that would demonstrate higher flexibility.
Examples
Complex sentences: 'Children and teenagers are particularly impressionable, and they may imitate aggressive behaviour they see on screen.' Accurate use of modal verbs: 'should enforce', 'can play'. Minor error: missing comma after 'To begin with' in the second paragraph.
How to Improve
Experiment with a wider variety of complex structures (e.g., conditional sentences, passive constructions, relative clauses). Pay attention to punctuation, especially after introductory phrases. Proofread to eliminate minor errors like the missing comma.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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