This Band 8 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay explores the influence of media violence on youth behavior. The response is well-constructed, but improvements in clarity and engagement could elevate your writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, your essay effectively addresses the task prompt and offers a coherent argument supported by well-developed points. It demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. Minor improvements could further enhance clarity and engagement.
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Numerous people believe that the amount of violence shown on television and in movies influences the behaviour of young people and consequently increases violence in society. I largely agree with this view. However, I also believe that practical measures can be taken to reduce this problem.
On the one hand, violent scenes in the media can have a significant impact on children and teenagers. Young people are often influenced by what they watch and may imitate aggressive behaviour, especially when violence is presented as exciting or without serious consequences. Furthermore, repeated exposure to violent content can make viewers less sensitive to real-life violence, causing them to accept it as normal. As a result, this may contribute to an increase in aggressive behaviour in society.
On the other hand, television and films are not the only causes of violence. Factors such as poor parenting, lack of education, peer pressure and social problems also play important roles. Therefore, blaming the media alone would be an oversimplification. Nevertheless, reducing exposure to violent content could still have a positive effect, particularly on younger audiences.
Several measures can be taken to lessen violence in society. First, governments should enforce stricter age ratings and regulations for violent films and television programmes. Parents should also monitor what their children watch and encourage them to choose educational or positive forms of entertainment. In addition, schools can teach students about media literacy, helping them understand the difference between fiction and reality. Finally, filmmakers should be encouraged to present the negative consequences of violence rather than glorifying it.
In conclusion, although violence in the media is not the only reason for aggressive behaviour, I agree that it has a considerable influence on young people. By combining stricter regulations, parental supervision and education, society can reduce the harmful effects of media violence.
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay addresses both parts of the task adequately. It provides a clear position on the influence of media violence on young people and suggests practical measures to mitigate this influence.
Examples
The stance that media violence impacts youth behavior is well articulated, and proposed solutions such as government regulations and parental monitoring are relevant.
How to Improve
While the response is strong, further elaboration on the measures and a discussion of potential challenges in their implementation could deepen the analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is well-organized, with ideas logically sequenced and supported. There is a clear progression of thought, and cohesive devices are used effectively.
Examples
Transition words such as 'On the other hand' and 'Finally' contribute to the essay's flow.
How to Improve
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly by using thematic links between ideas rather than just transitional phrases.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a broad range of vocabulary with precision and appropriateness.
Examples
Words like 'aggressive behaviour', 'desensitization', and 'media literacy' indicate a good lexical range.
How to Improve
Incorporate more varied expressions and idiomatic language to further enrich your lexical resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
The essay showcases a variety of complex grammatical structures with high accuracy. Sentence structures are varied and error-free.
Examples
Relative clauses like 'especially when violence is presented' and conditionals such as 'if they choose positive entertainment' are used correctly.
How to Improve
Continue practicing complex structures and aiming for a balance between simple and complex sentences to maintain variety and fluidity.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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