Achieving a band 8, this IELTS essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth. The response is well-structured but could benefit from more specific examples to further strengthen the argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay fully addresses the prompt, presenting a clear agreement with the statement while acknowledging other factors and suggesting practical steps to reduce violence. It meets the word count requirement (297 words vs. 250 minimum) and is well-structured with coherent arguments, varied vocabulary, and accurate grammar.
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In recent decades, many people have argued that the large amount of violence shown on television and in movies has a negative influence on young people and contributes to increased violence in society. I strongly agree that media violence can affect young minds, although it is not the only factor responsible for aggressive behaviour. Therefore, practical steps should be taken to reduce its harmful impact.
Firstly, young people are highly impressionable and often imitate what they see on screen. When violent actions are repeatedly portrayed as heroic or justified, children and teenagers may begin to view aggression as an acceptable way to solve problems. For example, action films and certain television dramas frequently show characters using physical force without facing realistic consequences. Over time, this repeated exposure can desensitize young viewers, making them less sensitive to the seriousness of violence.
However, it is important to recognize that media is not the sole cause of violent behaviour. Family environment, peer influence, mental health issues, and social inequalities also play significant roles. A child raised in a supportive and well-disciplined home is less likely to be negatively influenced by violent content compared to someone lacking guidance and supervision.
To reduce violence in society, several measures can be implemented. Governments can enforce stricter age restrictions and content regulations for violent media. Parents should actively monitor and guide their children’s viewing habits, while schools can introduce programs that teach media literacy and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, producers can be encouraged to create more educational and positive content that promotes empathy and peaceful problem-solving.
In conclusion, although media violence is not the only cause of aggression among young people, it undoubtedly contributes to the problem. By combining parental supervision, education, and responsible media regulation, society can take meaningful steps toward reducing violence.
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The response directly answers both parts of the question: it states the extent of agreement and proposes steps to lessen violence. A balanced position is maintained, with ideas developed relevantly and supported by examples.
Examples
The essay agrees that media violence influences young people, citing desensitization, but also notes factors like family environment and peer influence. Steps include government regulations, parental supervision, and media literacy programs.
How to Improve
To enhance task response, consider adding more specific real-world examples or statistical evidence to strengthen the argument, though the current development is sufficient for a high band.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas, and paragraphing is appropriate.
Examples
Transitions such as 'Firstly,' 'However,' 'Additionally,' and 'In conclusion' guide the reader. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic: media influence, other factors, and solutions.
How to Improve
Ensure that within paragraphs, sentences are tightly connected; however, this is already well-managed. Minor improvements could include varying linking phrases further.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective use of topic-related terms. Word choice is accurate, and there are no noticeable spelling errors.
Examples
Words like 'impressionable,' 'desensitize,' 'aggressive behaviour,' 'media literacy,' 'conflict resolution,' and 'empathy' demonstrate a good lexical range.
How to Improve
Incorporate more advanced or nuanced vocabulary occasionally (e.g., 'glamorization of violence' or 'societal repercussions'), but the current level is strong for Band 8.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
A wide range of grammatical structures is used with high accuracy. Complex sentences are employed correctly, and there are no significant errors in grammar or punctuation.
Examples
Complex sentence: 'When violent actions are repeatedly portrayed as heroic or justified, children and teenagers may begin to view aggression as an acceptable way to solve problems.' Accurate use of tenses and articles throughout.
How to Improve
Aim for even greater variety in sentence structures (e.g., inverted conditionals or passive constructions), though the essay already demonstrates excellent control.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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