Achieving a Band 8, this IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior while acknowledging other contributing factors. The writer effectively presents practical steps to mitigate its impact but can improve by incorporating specific examples and deeper analysis.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay fully addresses the prompt with a clear position and balanced discussion, meeting the word count requirement. It is well-organized with relevant ideas and practical solutions, demonstrating strong language skills across all criteria.
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Many people believe that the large amount of violence shown on television and in movies has a negative influence on young people and contributes to increasing levels of violence in society. I largely agree with this view, as media content can shape attitudes and behaviour, especially among impressionable audiences. However, media violence is not the only cause of aggressive behaviour, and effective measures are required to reduce its impact.
There is strong evidence that repeated exposure to violent scenes can desensitise young viewers. When violence is portrayed as entertaining or justified, children and teenagers may begin to see aggressive behaviour as normal or acceptable. In some cases, young people imitate what they watch, particularly when violent characters are presented as heroes who face no real consequences. This is especially concerning because many young viewers lack the maturity to distinguish clearly between fiction and appropriate real-life behaviour. As a result, media violence can play a role in shaping aggressive attitudes and increasing tolerance towards violence in society.
Nevertheless, it would be unrealistic to claim that television and films are the sole reasons for youth violence. Factors such as family environment, peer pressure, poverty, lack of education, and exposure to real-life violence also have a significant influence. For example, children raised in unstable homes or violent neighbourhoods may be more likely to develop aggressive tendencies regardless of what they watch on screen. Therefore, media violence should be seen as one contributing factor rather than the root cause.
To lessen violence in society, several practical steps can be taken. Governments should enforce stricter regulations on violent content and ensure clear age classifications are followed. Parents also have a crucial role to play by monitoring what their children watch and discussing media content with them to promote critical thinking. In addition, schools can introduce programmes that teach conflict resolution, emotional control, and media literacy. Finally, encouraging the production of positive, educational, and non-violent entertainment can provide healthier alternatives for young audiences.
In conclusion, while violence in television and movies does influence young people’s behaviour to a considerable extent, it is not the only factor behind rising violence in society. A combined effort from governments, families, schools, and media producers is essential to reduce its harmful effects.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the sole reasons | the sole causes | Subject 'television and films' is plural; 'sole' is singular, so the plural noun 'causes' fits better (or rewrite to 'the sole cause' with singular verb). |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response8
Evaluation
The response clearly agrees with the statement to a large extent while acknowledging other factors. Both parts of the question are addressed: the extent of agreement and steps to reduce violence. Ideas are developed with relevant support.
Examples
Introduction states 'I largely agree with this view', followed by paragraphs on desensitization, other causes like family environment, and measures such as government regulation and parental monitoring.
How to Improve
To reach a higher band, include more specific examples or statistical evidence to substantiate claims, and explore counterarguments in greater depth.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between sentences.
Examples
Transitions like 'However', 'Nevertheless', 'For example', 'Therefore', and 'In addition' guide the reader. Paragraphing is clear, each focusing on a distinct aspect.
How to Improve
Enhance paragraph transitions with more varied linking phrases, and ensure topic sentences explicitly connect to the main argument for even smoother flow.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the topic, with good use of topic-specific terms. Words are used accurately with correct spelling and collocation.
Examples
Terms such as 'desensitise', 'impressionable', 'aggressive tendencies', 'conflict resolution', and 'media literacy' demonstrate range.
How to Improve
Incorporate more sophisticated or less common lexical items (e.g., 'glamorization', 'perpetuation', 'mitigate') to show greater flexibility and precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
A wide range of sentence structures is used, including complex sentences. Grammar is accurate with minimal errors, contributing to clarity.
Examples
Complex sentences like 'When violence is portrayed as entertaining or justified, children and teenagers may begin to see aggressive behaviour as normal' show control.
How to Improve
Experiment with more advanced structures, such as inverted conditionals or nominal clauses, to further demonstrate grammatical range while maintaining accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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