This Band 8 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the impact of media violence on youth behavior. The response is well-structured and coherent but could improve its analytical depth and transitional phrases for even greater clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay fully addresses the task, presenting a clear position that largely agrees with the statement while acknowledging other factors. It meets the word count requirement (321 words vs. 250 minimum) and remains on-topic throughout. The response is well-structured with coherent paragraphs, varied vocabulary, and accurate grammar, leading to a consistent Band 8 performance across all criteria.
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Many people argue that the amount of violence shown on television and in films has a direct impact on young people’s behaviour and contributes to increased violence in society. I largely agree with this view, although I believe it is not the only factor influencing aggressive behaviour.
On the one hand, constant exposure to violent scenes can make young viewers less sensitive to the consequences of harmful actions. When violence is repeatedly portrayed as normal or even entertaining, it may lead some teenagers to imitate what they see. This is especially true when characters are shown achieving success or solving problems through aggression. Over time, such portrayals can shape attitudes and make violent responses seem acceptable in real-life situations.
On the other hand, it would be too simplistic to blame media alone for rising violence. Family environment, education, peer influence, and social conditions also play significant roles. For instance, a young person raised in a supportive and well-guided household is less likely to be negatively affected by violent content compared to someone lacking proper supervision or guidance. Therefore, media influence should be seen as one of several contributing factors rather than the sole cause.
To reduce violence, several measures can be taken. Firstly, stricter regulations on media content should be implemented, particularly regarding what is accessible to younger audiences. Age ratings must be enforced more effectively, and violent scenes should be limited in programs aimed at teenagers. Secondly, parents and schools should play a more active role in educating young people about the difference between fiction and reality, helping them critically evaluate what they watch. Finally, promoting positive content that emphasizes cooperation, empathy, and peaceful conflict resolution can help shape healthier attitudes.
In conclusion, while media violence does influence young people’s behaviour to a certain extent, it is not the only cause of societal violence. A combined effort from media regulators, families, and educators is necessary to address this issue effectively.
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The candidate responds fully to all parts of the task: stating the extent of agreement, discussing both media influence and other factors, and suggesting steps to reduce violence. Ideas are developed with relevant explanations and examples.
Examples
Agreement is shown by explaining how constant exposure to violence can desensitize young viewers and lead to imitation. Other factors like family environment and education are mentioned. Steps include stricter media regulations and parental education.
How to Improve
To reach a higher band, provide more nuanced analysis, such as citing specific studies or considering stronger counterarguments. Deepening the discussion on how steps might be implemented in practice would also enhance task response.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between sentences.
Examples
Paragraphs are introduced with phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. The solutions paragraph uses 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Finally'. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
How to Improve
To improve, ensure each paragraph has a more distinct central topic sentence and use a wider variety of transitional phrases to connect paragraphs more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the topic, with good use of less common terms. Word choice is accurate, and there is minimal repetition.
Examples
Terms like 'constant exposure', 'portrayed as normal', 'simplistic', 'contributing factors', 'stricter regulations', 'empathy', and 'conflict resolution' demonstrate lexical range.
How to Improve
Incorporate more advanced collocations and idiomatic expressions naturally. Using more precise synonyms (e.g., 'desensitization' instead of 'less sensitive') could further enhance lexical resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
A wide range of grammatical structures is used with high accuracy. Complex sentences are employed effectively, and errors are minimal or absent.
Examples
Complex sentences such as 'When violence is repeatedly portrayed as normal or even entertaining, it may lead some teenagers to imitate what they see' and 'Therefore, media influence should be seen as one of several contributing factors rather than the sole cause'.
How to Improve
To aim for a higher band, experiment with more sophisticated structures like conditional clauses, passive voice variations, or rhetorical questions while maintaining flawless accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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